C’mon, Guys: British Man Pumps Poop Into Former Friend’s Home Through Mail Slot

man peeping through letterbox in door. Photo: David Malan (Getty)

Until half of the former Beatles left this earth, there was always a slight chance the four bandmates would eventually set aside their differences and reunite to save humanity once again with their catchy tunes.

We’re going to set the chances of these two pals from the U.K. reconciling and getting back together for a pint at zero. At that, it has nothing to do with the restraining order recently levied against one of them. Instead, it’s all about one man’s (albeit extreme) pettiness.

According to NewsView, a 75-year-old British man was given an eight-week suspended sentence and ordered to complete 80 hours of community service after pleading guilty to…wait for it…storing up his poop for two months and then spraying it into his former friend’s house.

When it comes to friendship, kids, that’s the point of no return.

And just when we finally got this image out of our heads: Plumber Tackles ‘Volcano Of Poo’ (NSFW Photo)

Geoffrey Holroyd-Doveton was responsible for what Judge Michael Cadman called “one of the worst offenses he had dealt with in over 30 years on the job.” Of course, after crapping into a jar for two months, building a homemade pump, droving 200 miles to Donald Wick’s house in Braintree and spraying it all over his house through the mail slot, that sounds about right.

You can see the horrendous details in the video below if you’re feeling so brave:

“It would seem that the defendant defecated into a container and kept that for six to eight weeks,” prosecutor Lesla Small said. “Using that pump, he has pushed the excrement through the letter box causing that to splatter over the hallway, up the stairs and onto the back wall.”

Wick was forced to replace the “stained” carpet and give a thorough cleaning to the rest of his house, amassing a bill of more than $5,300 in the process. The “deplorable” Mr. Holroyd-Doveton is on the hook for the bill, and must pay Wick and his husband an additional $666 for his devilish actions.

Holroyd-Doveton must also stay at least one mile away from Wick’s home at all times. At this point, that sounds like more than a reasonable response.