Photo: Roberto Machado Noa/LightRocket (Getty Images)
Maybe I need to start lowering my standards for who I hope sits in the seat next to me when I fly.
According to KTVA, some asshole on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Hong Kong Thursday night forced pilots to divert the plane to Anchorage, Alaska after he…wait for it…smeared feces “everywhere.”
Police said the dude smeared his shit in a couple of the bathrooms and then had something extra special up his sleeve for an encore that pretty much ensured nobody else would be able to use the crapper. That’s right, kids. He then took off his shirt and tried to “stuff the toilet” with it.
Thankfully, the flight crew was able to get the guy to stop rubbing his crap on the plane, and he eventually returned to his seat while they called Anchorage to let them know to get a room at a local hospital ready for a psych evaluation.
We’ll go ahead and venture a guess that getting the guy to return to his seat made everybody else on the plane much happier. Well, except for the poor bastards who drew the short straw and were sitting next to him. I mean, a guy like this has “middle seat” written all over him for sure.
