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No matter how demented you might get in your elder years, you’ll still remember your first kiss. It is such an important milestone in every person’s life, but for some people, it might be better that they get amnesia early on as we wouldn’t wish their first kiss stories on our enemies.
Some of them are as awkward as embarrassing erection stories, and other as are disgusting as strip club horror stories, but even if your first kiss was fairy tale like, you’ll still relate to these cringey anecdotes.
If you’re a terrified teenager looking for first kiss tips, you made a wrong turn somewhere on the internet and these Reddit stories will probably scar you for life and anxious around the people you like. Or you can use them as a guideline on what not do, in which case you should also check out 10 major turn offs for girls.
10 First Kiss Horror Stories
1. It was so bad she told me so.
2. My first kiss was at 17 (a little late, I know). We were at a party and were talking all night and both of us were pretty drunk. I was on the couch, he was on top of me, we were making out, and it was great! UNTIL he stopped kissing me and started rubbing the tip of his nose over my entire face… for like over 5 minutes. It was so uncomfortable.
3. Awkward, wet, and uncomfortable cause my stepdad was watching. He ended up coming out as gay, and I ended up being transgender. He offered to give me my first kiss as a man too (I respectfully declined).
4. I was at the local park with my first girlfriend and went went under the slide and sat down. As I leaned in for the first kiss I set my hand on the ground for support and a rusty tack ended in my hand. I still got the first kiss so it was worth it.
5. I was 16, she was 18, and I hadn’t quite figured out the speed of approach. I chipped her front tooth with mine.
6. Ohh god, I cringe every time I think about this but it was more than a year ago and now I think it’s kind of funny. We were sitting on his couch and the conversation had faded so it was silent…for a while. I was sweating so much and I was SO nervous because I knew it was coming. It was quiet for about 15 minutes (SO MUCH UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE). Finally I realized that he wasn’t going to make a move so, in a burst of confidence, I said feebly, “C-can we kiss?”
Turns out he fell asleep. My question woke him up. Then we kissed and it was really weird and awkward and we didn’t do it right. So there’s that.
7. Well, she got on top of me, but for some reason I thought it’d be bad if she knew I had a boner, so I had to kind of awkwardly shuffle about, making it really uncomfortable, and I had no idea what I was doing when it came to the actual kiss. She said, and I quote ‘You’re really shit at this.’
8. It was disastrous. She was feeling brave and wanted to bite my lip, but I got scared, pulled away and head-butted her. Her nose bled for about three minutes. Needless to say, we never talked again.
9. I was at a “party” in middle school where we actually, unironically played spin the bottle. It was my turn to spin. It landed on Meghan. She looked horrified.
I gave her the tiniest peck on the lips. She screamed.
Fuck you Meghan.
10. I was at Target with the girl who would be my first girlfriend. I tried to push her against a wall to be sexy, but ended up pushing her over a bike rack.
Do these first kiss stories bring out some ghosts from your past?
