Photo: MaxRiesgo(Getty Images)
Every single man on this planet has at least one awkward erection story. Whether they are the by product of raging hormones in your teen years, doing Kegels because you wanted harder erections or because you stopped watching porn and have a stockpile of sexual energy constantly. Sometimes it happens even before you get to any base with a girl, you’re sitting on the bench but your bat wants to play.
We all know the ultimate awkward erection stories involve family members while the second place goes to ones involving crushes, third to public erections. And if awkward erections had a face it would be Michael Cera’s, the man in whose dream we would like to live in.
These funny stories about getting hard are all from Reddit, the place where you can confess to anything so it can bite you in the ass years later.
Best Awkward Erection Stories
#1: When I was in high school I went to this pool party, and I got an erection from checking out all the girls in bikinis that were there. Now normally, this would not be a problem, except on this particular day a good friend of mine thought it would be a good opportunity for some chicken fights, and takes it upon himself to hoist me on top of his shoulders. So there I am, sitting on top of my friend’s shoulders with a mammoth boner resting on the back of his neck. He then realizes what’s going on and lets out a loud “What the fuck?!” Public humiliation and social awkwardness ensue.
#2: My brother was jerking off at the computer. This was when our family computer was in the office where we barely ever went. So she would pretty much know what he was doing if caught. He heard mom coming down the hallway. Tucks his boner in his waistband. Walks by her and she goes oh son you are getting so skinny and lifts his shirt seeing his boner. He in return screams “FUCK YOU MOM” and runs away. Nobody speaks of it.
#3: Napping on the couch: ‘aww, my mom put a blanket on me… oh, wait’
#4: More awkward for my parents than me. I was like seven and I remember getting an erection, but not knowing what it was. Then I saw a disposable camera on table that was left over from vacation and had an epiphany. Luckily I could only snap 1 pic because I didn’t understand winding the camera. My parents didn’t find out until they got the pictures back. They were mortified.
#5: I tend to get an awkward erection when I hug my crying wife.
#6: I was 17 and working at a pool. I was sitting on top of the slide telling kids when they could go when this seriously fat kid slipped on the stairs while waiting and busted his nose. I was currently suffering from a random boner at the time and didn’t want to help the kid (the mesh shorts I was wearing also didn’t help). So I ignored him until his mom came running up the steps screaming bloody murder. I turned around and got up out of a sheer reaction and BOOM, I was pitching one hell of a tent right in front of this pretty hot mom and she audibly laughed and pointed.
It was incredibly awkward until this older kid at work who was the cool funny burnout of the staff gave me some advice which turned the tables on the mom. I walked by her and winked at her and made her blush. Safe to say I beat the random boner awkwardness that day.
#7: While in basic training, my flight and our sister flight had KP. This moderately attractive girl and I had to fill water glasses for the trainees to take with their meals. We worked out a system where one would grab the freshly washed glasses from the distribution tray, and the other would fill the glasses from the spigot.
Well… her damn fingers kept brushing against mine. I was 18 at the time… and it had been 4 weeks without any kind of real female contact. There was one hell of a tent going on when the DI walked up to us and had us stand at attention.He just completely busts out laughing and then marches me around the chow hall in quick time.
#8: I knocked someones drink over at a wedding with my dick
#9: I had to have surgery “down there” and the nurse came in to shave me. Stunning just out of college red head (I was 18 at the time) popped wood right in her face. Both of us turned bright red.
#10: Went to church, I was around 13 at the time, I was going up for communion? Basically I got a raging hard on anndddd, jesus’s flock saw my throbbing cock. Haven’t been back since.
Bonus: One time I got a super awkward one while reading on Reddit about dudes’ awkward erection stories.
Ease the embarrassment of your awkward erection stories by sharing them in the comments.
But remember, the most embarrassing erection story is always going to be when you can’t get one.
