Photo:Paul Kane (Getty)
Now we know what you’re all thinking: Why are they picking on the old guys just trying to enjoy themselves before they meet their disgraced maker? That’s not what we’re doing. In fact, we fully support old musicians touring, be it Neil Young, Crosby, Sir Paul or any other rock ‘n roll genius who can still stand on both legs (or Dave Grohl, who sometimes performs on one with a broken leg).
We’re talking about the musicians who have gone so far past their prime they can scarcely remember the good old days, if there ever were any. How folks like Neil Diamond still sell out venues, or how Smash Mouth still gets on the bill after that bread-tossing incident is beyond our understanding of the rock ‘n roll universe. But one secret remains buried: When will these musicians stop touring already? What exactly are they waiting for, because we’re sick of seeing Garth Brooks pop up in all the wrong spots.
Have a look at all the musicians we wish would just stop touring already, then decide if we’re right, or perhaps we’ve grown so old and bitter in our own age that we now turn to picking on the elderly, tone deaf and talentless schmucks of the rock kingdom.
10 Musicians and Bands We Wish Would Just Stop Touring Already, Dammit
Now learn this: 10 Funny-Because-It’s-True Ways to Know If You Weren’t The Coolest as a Kid
Need to Retire Musicians
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Bob Dylan
Photo: CNN
We love that he made it out to Desert Trip last year with all the classic rock gods, but perhaps it's time for old Bobby to put down the mic. After all, we can't understand what he's saying anymore. With more than 55 years of records and touring, we think his cords have earned the rest.
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AC/DC
Photo: via hennemusic.com
With enough hearing loss and arrests for drugs and attempted murder, we're thinking AC/DC has just become a machine that needs to turn off. With Brian Johnson leaving the lead singer position after more than three decades as the third lead, Axl Rose stepped into his shoes, a clear sign of the times.
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KISS
Photo: via Live Nation
The fact these guys can stay up late enough to put on a concert is beyond impressive, but perhaps they should stick to running large food chains that celebrate their legacy rather than destroying it on stage. That would be like my dad (same age) going up there with face paint on and trying to sing to thousands of strangers. Stick to karaoke.
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U2
Photo: via latimes.com
Bono continues his surge, despite U2's inability to write a record we (voluntarily) will have in our iPhones. They're touring behind the anniversary of Joshua Tree, which we think is wise, considering it was their last good record (30 years ago).
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Third Eye Blind
Photo: via Live Nation
Stephan Jenkins gave the Dave Matthews 'tour all year without giving new music to the fans' approach while teasing fans with a new album for seven year stretched before delivering a boatload of subpar songs (this coming from a long-time fan). As much as we love 3EB, we think the air has run out when you start hiring backing musicians half your age. Go solo, Stephan. We love you, but let it go.
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Neil Diamond
Photo: via neildiamond.com
Neil, you were hard to love when you were young. Why would you torture us when you're old, too?
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Ozzy Osbourne
Photo: via Live Nation
Ozzy barely knows where he is anymore (does anyone remember him just disappearing?), let alone barely make a sentence. And yet, he still goes on stage to sing heavy metal for tons of crazed fans? When will the wizardry of his black madness end?
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Guns N' Roses
Photo: via Chicago Music Guide
Axl Rose and the boys have tour dates set up for the year, while Rose has also been filling in for AC/DC. Meanwhile, the Stone Temple Pilots continued on in Weiland's wake with Chester Bennington from Linking Park before holding an online audition for a new singer. Why are these bands still touring when their songs are already every karaoke song being played everywhere?
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Garth Brooks
Photo: YouTube
My aunt Mary loves him, but personally, I've seen him on TV ads and all the wrong places. I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up playing at the DMV at this point.
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Smash Mouth
Photo: via TMZ
No explanation necessary, thank you and goodnight.
