Photo: rawstory.com
Things are starting to get weird out there, and it’s only getting weirder. As millennials continue to slowly take over the Earth (using the money they inherited from past generations), we’re seeing a shortage in a lot of commonly purchased items. There are traditional things millennials aren’t buying anymore, not the way our parents and grandparents did, and suddenly, there’s no fucking dairy or bread in the goddamn fridge!
Have a look at our list of traditional things the new generation seems to be lacking in. Is it because they’ve learned from their parents’ mistakes and are more concerned with mindful spending and healthy choices? No, it’s likely a combination of complete ignorance and absolute instability. As we go a little further down the line, don’t be surprised if your friends don’t know how to answer your questions about your 401K, buying an engagement ring or why the sky is continually blue.
Now read in horror the shockingly common things that millennials seem to be dwindling in, including a surprisingly low rate of Big Mac consumption by a generation that spends most of its time concerned with experimenting with unheard of controlled substances. Shocking, watch and learn.
Cue death rattle: 5 Useless Things Millennials Killed
Zip it: 20 Words No Millennial (or Human) Should Ever Use in Public
Traditional Things Millennials
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Domestic Beer
The only thing domestic beer is good for these days is a domestic "beerd." Don't worry, we won't take credit for that slam dunk.
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Mortgages
With rent skyrocketing across major cities, along with blossoming smaller cities, buying a house has never been this low in more than three decades. We suppose it doesn't help that most millennials don't have any actually marketable skills.
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Virtual Reality
Why would anyone want to be a part of reality when they can control their own virtual reality? Plus, there's more likelihood of seeing boobs anyways.
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Diamond Rings
People are getting pretty hip with alternative diamonds and rare stones, along with the fact most people would rather travel than buy gaudy rings. Suppose Blood Diamond didn't help much.
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Bread
Don't you miss bread? If you recall, it was wonderfully fluffy and was the only thing you could hold down during those major hangovers that came on around 27. Now look at you...
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401(k)
Stocks, life insurance and 401(k) plans aren't quite as alluring as they once were. For one, people can barely afford health insurance, and those who can probably don't know what the fuck a stock actually is.
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Fabric Softener
Let's face it: It's a goddamn miracle you remember to buy dryer sheets. Or is your mother still sending those in her care package because she knows what a scuzbucket you are?
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Dairy Milk
Dairy milk? That's for old people. Our milk is either almond (unsweetened vanilla), hemp or something really cool you don't even know about.
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McDonald's
The Big Mac is on the decline, and why shouldn't it be when you can have In- N-Out?
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Cable
It's not called "cable TV and chill" for a reason.
