If You Were Living The Good Life In Ancient China Then Odds Are You Owned Bronze Dildos And Jade Butt Plugs

Photo: China Photos (Getty)

Apparently if you were rich and had an excess of bronze back in the day, you used it to make dicks.

According to IFLScience, the “aristocrats, wealthy elites, and royalty” during ancient China’s Han dynasty (206 BC-220 AD) used bronze and jade to make things like dildos and butt plugs, and we know this is true thanks to a series of excavations between 1995 and 2011 near Shanghai that explored the tombs of 2000-year-old rich folk and turned up the kinky loot.

Photo: Yizheng Museum

Here’s how they described jade:

“Jade was a revered material at the time. Virtually priceless in its value, its purity and beauty were believed to ward off spiritual and bodily decay. The material was used to create “death-suits” for the bodies of the super-rich, made up of hundreds of tiles sewn together with golden threads.”

And the rich folk used it to make butt plugs because they “sealed the body and kept in vital essences that can leak out during life and death.” Beautiful.

Photo: Yizheng Museum

As far as the big, bronze fake cocks go, well, they are “believed to have been worn and used during sex to enhance the experience.”

The good news is that if you’re looking to enhance your intake of historical knowledge and artifacts, the dildos and butt plugs will be on display for all to see at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco beginning February 17. We recommend bringing a pair of gloves.

Now they make butt plugs that look like world leaders: Mexican Immigrant Creates Donald Trump Butt Plug