Senior man sitting on fence holding mug, smiling. Photo: Bigshots (Getty).
When it comes to fashion, dads definitely play by their own rules. Honestly though, they deserve to be able to wear what they want. After all, they’ve had to put up with our nonsense for years, and took care of us even when they had no idea what to expect. So we can cut them a little slack if they don’t have time to keep up with the latest fashion trends and tend to stick to their dad clothing.
That being said, some of the things they insist on wearing are downright hilarious. It’s like all the dads got together and decided on a clearance bin-only clothing lifestyle that has brought them to where they are today. But let’s not speak for them; let’s let their dad duds do the talking for us. Here are 12 articles of clothing that every father is apparently required to own. Warning: things are about to get ugly around these parts. Only fathers will be oblivious to recognizing the absurdity in the following gallery.
12 Pieces Of Dad Clothing That All Fathers Are Required To Own
Since we’re already mocking one select group of men’s wardrobe choices: The Definitive Roundup Of Douchebag Clothing
Dad Clothing That All Fathers Are Required To Own
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Unnecessary Belts
Some think belts are used to hold up your pants, but not dads. Dads will make room for a belt even if his jeans are too small. It's more about just knowing that leather is wrapped around his waist than it is for any practical reasons. If your dad could wear a belt with swim trunks, he would be all over it.
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Long Socks With Shorts
Not only is it a bizarre fashion choice to wear those long, black socks with a pair of shorts, it also, you know, kind of defeats the purpose of wearing shorts when your socks cover as much leg as a pair of jeans. Just show us those sweet, sweet ankles, dad.
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Jean Shorts
If there's one thing your dad has in common with John Cena, it's his love of jean shorts. They honestly make no sense. Denim doesn't breathe well at all, so if it's hot enough to wear shorts, wouldn't you want maximum comfort? Dads do not have time to listen to your logic and reasoning.
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Denim Hats
There's just some sort of unexplained natural attraction between dads and denim. Some graduate to khaki, but denim always holds a special place in their heart. That's why they insist on wearing hats in the style of Smalls from The Sandlot on every family outing.
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Transition Lenses
Most conversations with dads reach a point to where you're only talking about how long it took you to drive from one point to another. That's because dads love saving time. So it's only natural that dads don't have time to switch from glasses to sunglasses. Transition lenses are a dad dream come true.
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Novelty T-Shirts
Most people have a novelty t-shirt or two in their closet, but dads have the ones that are just outdated enough not to be trendy or cool and wear them in a completely non-ironic way. Odds are, your dad probably has a Big Dog or Panama Jack shirt somewhere in his closet.
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Tucked In T-Shirts
Seeing the bottom of a dad's t-shirt is like seeing behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz. There's rarely a circumstance where they don't have their shirt tucked into their pants, even if it's a tanktop, sweater, turtleneck, Halloween costume, or jacket. OK, it's mainly t-shirts, but you get the idea.
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Socks And Sandals
Most dads prefer to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Not in a lifestyle way, but in a footwear kind of way. They still have to keep it classy, though. That's why they keep those trademark dres socks on even when wearing the most casual of shoes. It's a lethal combination.
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White New Balance
If you need a last minute gift idea for your dad, get him a pair of white New Balance sneakers. If they had to create an avatar of themselves or a digital version of The Sims, this would be the most vital part of their ensemble. They're perfect for business, pleasure, or the casual 3 on 3 pick-up game.
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Odd Button Choices
If your dad is wearing a shirt with buttons on it, he isn't going to play by your rules. He's either going to have way too many buttons done or far from enough. It's all or nothing with dad buttons. All torso, or no torso whatsoever.
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Dad-Themed Shirts
Don't worry about trying to identify a dad, because they'll make it very obvious with a shirt that literally says the word "DAD" on the front of it. It's usually accompanied by some sort of really bad pun, which we all know dads adore.
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Cell Phone Clips
You know how you're constantly looking for your cell phone because you can't remember where you left it? Dads have solved that problem by keeping it strapped directly to their hips at all times. It might not be pretty, but it gets the job done.
