This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets 10-28-16

Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

Funny Tweets 10-28-16:

Stay safe out there… pic.twitter.com/yqxcGINXSy

— obvious plant (@obviousplant_) October 26, 2016

Before you name your newborn child you should quickly make sure their username on Instagram is available without an underscore

— elan gale (@theyearofelan) October 26, 2016

roses are red

like cherry Slurpees pic.twitter.com/Vk46FLnMzD

— Josh Scare-AAAAH (@yoyoha) October 25, 2016

got the setlist from the bon iver show pic.twitter.com/AlenKJGv7R

— miel (@miel) October 24, 2016

The funniest part is at 2 AM at night somebody across the country is doing this with us lmao pic.twitter.com/OBljuoTbYh

— Demetrius (@Mr_Demetrius54) October 24, 2016

This is the start of a second grader’s poem, not an article title. pic.twitter.com/Gkn1uOlk7c

— Holly Warland (@HollyWarland) October 24, 2016

incredible how whenever i want a treat, i also deserve one

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) October 22, 2016

Hate this girl. She even emailed me. pic.twitter.com/SsPgsNECMi

— Jigga (@Braddo_1) October 20, 2016

Either someone’s spontaneously combusted or Harry Potter’s just appeared & his invisibility cloak is too short. pic.twitter.com/peWOl3DlbT

— Paul (@bingowings14) October 20, 2016

Every picture of the E.T. from the Universal Studios ride looks like he’s destroying you in a rap battle pic.twitter.com/sk8MvLcTzk

— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) October 20, 2016

I hate songs that ask you questions like seriously I have no idea what I’m gonna do after the boys of summer are gone

— Jacob Swift (@Jacob_Swift16) October 9, 2016

what kind of dogs are these, they make me nervous like if i talk to them they’ll speak back but only in riddles pic.twitter.com/gNXEvRp90Z

— ric (@ricardojkay) October 20, 2016

“It is the east. And Juliet is the sun. Now she an eggplant. Now she a goat. Now she a dog” -Romeo, if Juliet had snapchat

— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) October 25, 2016

Me: *releases balloon into the air* you’re free now

Helium Inside Balloon: why have you locked me in this sky prison

— FROnkenVO (@fro_vo) February 14, 2016

Rihanna dumped Drake… were boutta get Marvin’s whole house

— Said Saleh (@SaidSaleh17) October 24, 2016

[on phone]

Matthew McConaughey: talk again soon

Andre 3000: alright

MM: alright alright alright

A 3k:alright alright alright alright alright

— mo (@chuuew) September 9, 2016

I ask for booty pics and I get a booth pic puzzle are you serious… pic.twitter.com/sE2tbJJXi3

— Ego ¹⁰⁰ (@MrTreLee) October 21, 2016

[screaming at Weird Al]

THOSE AREN’T THE WORDS

— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) July 3, 2016

I’m officially a dad bc I’m watching Stranger Things and all I can think about is how much it’ll cost to fix that house’s electrical system

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) October 17, 2016