Photo: Chris Polk/FilmMagic (Getty)
There’s a lot of sidekicks out there, but only some of them are cool. Take Robin, for instance; Batman is definitely cool, but he may just look a lot cooler because he has such a lame sidekick. The same goes for the Skipper; cool on his own for sure, but far cooler when stacked up against Gilligan’s un-coolness. Standing next to a lame sidekick can only make a hero look so good by comparison. Whereas a really cool sidekick elevates his partner’s cool factor, and thus the world’s cool factor. So if you can learn the lessons from these sidekicks below, then perhaps you can help make the world a much cooler place. Be cool, people, for humanity’s sake.
Coolest Sidekicks of All Time:
Bucky Barnes
Photo: “Marvel’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” Zade Rosenthal (Flickr)
Before being turned into a titan-armed killing machine, Bucky was about as standup a guy as they get, and Cap’s right-hand man in the war on fascism. But Bucky got about 50 times cooler than his heroic WWII self on name alone after losing his left arm and becoming the Winter Soldier. And then you go and put some NFL Sunday war paint on him and give him a sniper rifle? Best of all, he’s kept up his coolness now that he’s hanging out with Cap again.
Jules Winnfield
Between Jules and Vincent Vega, it’s hard to tell who’s whose sidekick. Regardless, they’re both cool as cucumbers in a bowl of hot sauce. Black suits and Quentin Tarantino banter guarantee that. But while Vincent has the added bonus of being related to Vinnie Barbarino, he doesn’t have a wallet that says “Bad Mother Fucker”–or a Jheri curl for that matter–so we’ll give this one to Jules.
Ed McMahon
Photo: NBC/NBCU Photo Bank (Getty)
The man basically got paid to get hammered, introduce Johnny, let Johnny make fun of him, then laugh at all Johnny’s jokes. That’s good work if you can get it, and it requires nothing but Johnny thinking you’re cool enough to hang out with him and all his celebrity buddies.
Kato
Photo: ABC Photo Archives/ABC (Getty)
Kato’s so cool, you probably can’t even remember who actually played “The Green Hornet.” In general, it’s hard to get cooler than Bruce Lee. The man still gives Asians an inspirational target for being cool, even if it’s a long shot with such overbearing parents. Kato adds an extra element of cool for being Lee’s breakout role. If that didn’t happen, then maybe Kung Fu would never have been brought to the Western masses at all. Then we wouldn’t have had Kung Fu Theater, which would have been a huge loss for the world’s cool quotient.
Garth Algar
Drummers are always cool, even if they might be a little socially awkward. Garth more than makes up for his awkwardness once the music kicks in. The man just exudes rock ‘n’ roll, the double-bass drum kind. This is one of the reasons I’ve patterned my wardrobe after him for all these years. And because jeans and a t-shirt is always the cool call, especially at weddings.
Chewbacca
Photo: CBS (Getty)
Chewy’s so cool he doesn’t even need to wear pants. That’s not just important to keeping cool, but being cool. And he’s been sporting the hipster haircut since long before the hipsters started getting all hairy. Plus, he hangs out with Han Solo, who doesn’t just have the coolest name in the universe, but the coolest ship, which definitely has it wear it counts. But ask yourself this: would Han be so cool without his space-crossbow wielding Wookie?
Barf
We’ve determined Chewy’s cool, so by that same math, so is Barf (minus the hipster hair thing, unless there’s a trend I haven’t been privy to). But honestly, we don’t even know what the hell Chewy’s saying, which certainly adds an air of mystery to the big fuzzball, but doesn’t exactly make for someone you want to hang out with all the time. But Barf–half man, half dog, his own best friend–seems like great company, and is generally saying hilarious stuff, which totally ups his cool score.
Thelma
Photo: Ida Mae Astute/ABC (Getty)
I’d be pretty intimidated hanging out with her when Louise is around, but when you get Thelma on her own, after a few shots, she’s a wild one. Plus, if you can rock the denim leisure suit, that’s a huge plus. You have to admire Thelma’s ability to cast off her old homespun shackles and set off on a new, cooler life–albeit a much shorter one. While suicide is never the answer, if you’re going to do it, it may as well be after kissing Susan Sarandon and launching a ’66 Thunderbird into the great wide open.
Tonto
Photo by Dave M. Benett/WireImage
I’m specifically talking about Johnny Depp’s take on the Lone Ranger’s ever-present ke-mo sah-bee. Sure, most folks objected to Depp’s whiteness in the role, regardless of how much Native American blood he produced, but I don’t think creed or color or genocide has anything to do with being cool–you’ve either got it, or you don’t. And I’m sorry, but name me a sidekick you’d rather do peyote with then the one who jams with Eddie Vedder?
Cledus Snow
Photo: Universal Studio (Getty)
There’s no shame in being the second coolest guy in the film that features the coolest car ever–the 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am, which is now actually better known as the Bandit’s Car. Besides, it’s not like Cledus doesn’t drive the coolest rig ever. Also, Cledus did all the Bandit’s heavy lifting, as a good sidekick is sometimes called on to do. All this enabled Burt Reynolds to become a man so cool that he stopped being called Bo Darville, one of the coolest given names around, in order to go by Bandit. Which, by the way, most of us couldn’t begin to pull off even if we did hang out with a guy named Cledus–who hung out with a basset hound named Fred. Furthermore, Cledus (country star Jerry Reed) sang the Bandit’s theme song, “East Bound and Down,” so you know he rocks steady, even when he’s not hauling contraband.
