Florida Couple Beats The Snot Out Of Intruder And Leaves Him With Epic Shiner

June 28, 2016

Too bad for Noah Dassat that the avocado eye patch look isn’t what the ladies are digging these days.

But according to Fox 5, that’s exactly what the 33-year-old Santa Cruz, California, man is rocking after a Florida couple beat the everliving crap out of him last week when he tried to rob their North Port home.

Dassat was able to run away from the house, but police caught up with him at a nearby hospital after he checked in under a fake name. He was arrested and charged with armed robbery, criminal mischief and battery for somehow finding the only house in Florida whose occupants weren’t busy huffing bath salts under a freeway overpass.

Probably should have just paid for that Mounds bar, bro: Ohio Guy Tries To Rob Gas Station, Gets Ass Kicked By Employees And Customers

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

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