Unless you’re Tom Cruise, you cannot avoid aging. Getting old, weak and eventually dying from lack of strength and organ functionality is all part of life. Although those things seem far from now, the process of aging is
one that should be recognized early on in order to to handle it gracefully. By this, we mean taking care of yourself now so that down the road you won’t look like Keith Richards or an old catcher’s mitt. Aside from knocking boots and plastic surgery, here are a few suggestions on aging well and outliving your loved ones.
Don’t Fight It
You’ll only make things worse if you resist the fact that you’re not getting any younger; just look at Bob Barker and Carrot Top, both very orange, fake plastic people. The efforts of cosmetic and aesthetic surgery have certainly come a long ways to make wonderfully superficial things possible, but – and it’s a big “but” – they don’t have it down to a science.
Instead of trying to unnaturally fix everything you think is wrong with yourself, why not try focusing on the things you can control? You’re a little overweight and perhaps a bit pale? Go for a run on the beach or in a park. Don’t waste your hard-earned cash trying to look 25 when you’re 45, because chances are it’ll just frighten the people who are used to your natural mug. And if you decide to go with experimental gels, creams, pills and surgeries of the world, know that these actions have consequences, anywhere from liver failure to man boobs.
Lay Off the Dark Stuff
Coffee, soda and whiskey … these are things that taste good now but look bad later. The caffeine you pump into your s
ystem is merely a Band-Aid for your raging, aging hangovers after a night of overconsumption and dehydration, leaving you with bags under your eyes and stains across your formerly pearly whites.
Though it might be true you don’t notice how bad you should feel when you’re on a steady diet of poison, it’s also true cigarettes, booze and caffeine are all things best done in moderation (if at all). If you were to cleanse your body of these toxins and lower your tolerance, you’d notice how damaging they are immediately and how they shouldn’t be routine habits. Take a break from being so hard on yourself and get that glow back from the days you used to stay out past curfew, tomfooling with girls way younger than you.
Exfoliate
It may seem girly and overtly metrosexual, but it’s not such a bad thing to try. If you’re trying to keep a healthy glow and circulation in the face, while avoiding medical procedures that’ll turn you into a monster, consider some quick, painless alternatives you can share with your lady love, and before you know it, you’ll be doing book club and knitting sweaters together. Joy!
To exfoliate the face, you can do something as simple as mixing one teaspoon of sugar with two tablespoons of lemon juice and massaging your face for 10 minutes before rinsing it off. You’ll feel lemony fresh, and it won’t cost you anything compared to the shit people do to themselves under the knife. Chances are you’ve already inadvertently done this while drinking on a Sunday afternoon.
Get Yourself a Young Girl
But she better not be too young. Ever wonder how those rich geezers with 24-year-old girlfriends live to pitch a tent in their 90s? It’s probably because the presence of youth is an infectious facade that keeps the spirit
very alive. As a single guy who happens to be in the market for a companion, why not shoot for the stars and find someone who’s fresh off the college circuit and bring a little excitement into your life.
Chances are being an ageist is a fool’s errand though, as older, seasoned women are the best means for finding love that don’t include Molly raves and Katy Perry dance parties, both of which get old after two to three years. But if it’s not love you’re looking for, young girls have been known to work.
Floss, Brush, SPF
All the things your mother, dentist and high school coach told you to do since you were too short to ride the slide at your local water park were designed to keep your teeth in your head, your skin from turning to leather and, in general, keep you from looking like trash.
To avoid the foul-mouthed gum diseases of the world, all you have to do is floss once a day after brushing. Things you think you’ll do fine without, like SPF on a summer day or a jockstrap during a quick season of intramural basketball, you’re not fine without, so change your ways and look out for yourself, because you’re the only one who will. You may have thought you were invincible once before, but if you live all devil-may-care with your body, you’ll have doctors trying to fix you your whole life, meaning a group of strangers touching you in your sleep while in a public facility.
Hydrate & Moisturize
Any list involving looking, feeling and staying healthy is going to tell you to drink water and stay hydrated. It’s the natural need for the body in order to not snap, crackle or pop. Plus, it’s weird to be known as the guy who sheds on other people’s furniture with your dry, flaky skin like some diseased dog found on the side of the freeway. And whereas water hydrates you inside, moisturizing
is the purely topical outside ritual needed to look healthy and hydrated all the time. As a single guy, you may notice that your dick is the healthiest looking part of your body, probably because you take the time to moisturize it every time you get an itch. Just think how good you could look if you took good care of your entire body like that.
Diet, Diet, Diet
Don’t go on one; just watch yours. Everybody is always talking about being overweight, but truthfully not everybody was built to be skinny. The trick is looking as healthy as you can for your body type. Start adding some greens into your regimen, and if you hate that idea, get a blender and make some smoothies so you can’t tell they’re going into your body.
Just eat smart and watch what crap you put in your body. If you eat something shitty, you’re probably going to feel shitty, so think about that each time you eat out when you could just cook at home.
Get Those Endorphins Going
You want to eat shit, even after we just got done telling you not to? That’s fine, but at least exercise and work off whatever hell you just brought to your bones. It’s no mystery as to why the couch-cuddling obese folks of the world won’t outlive the Rob Lowes of the world – because exercising is about half the battle.
Whatever it is you do to get a sweat on, do it and make it routine. If that means shacking up with random girls you meet on Craigslist, go for it (but be safe). Running, yoga, paddle boarding and swimming are all things you can get into that are readily available no matter where you are, but if you’d rather thrust your special stuff into girls you don’t know, then to each his own. The point is to get some exercise, burn off those bad food calories, stay in shape and keep the negativity at bay.
Transcend the BS
Exercising your body is a huge deal with life longevity, but so is exercising your mind. In this case, the exercise is to not exercise it at all, and it’s called transcendental meditation (TM), a process for finding some tranquility that anybody can easily learn to do. You can do it ten minutes in the morning before you start the day and again before bed. The purpose is to calm your mind from the outside world and focus inward, which helps to reduce stress, anxiety, anger and all sorts of bad vibes.
You can wash your car to keep it clean and appear in good condition to people passing by, but if you know it’s a mess on the inside, full of trash and filth, you’ll still think of your car as disgusting. The same goes with your body, meaning you need to take care of what’s on the inside first so that your exterior is not some fake car show that fools people passing you by.
It’s as simple as finding a mantra, usually words with which you have no mental or emotional attachments, and closing your eyes in a quiet place, using repetition with your mantra to go deep inside yourself, giving you clarity and a little inner peace in your stressful life. Look it up online. It’s more popular than you know, as many successful, gracefully aging people have made it a daily practice. Perhaps you should, too.
