In a post-General Election 2015 Britain, Facebook has become a wasteland of opinions following the appointment of a Conservative government, with David Cameron & co. being given the key to the country without the Lib Dems holding them back when attempting to pass policies such as a huge increase in citizen surveillance.
Despite the election now being done and dusted, it seems that the majority of people have only decided to make their opinions clear after the fact, with it impossible to navigate the site without bumping into at least one awful opinion or groan-inducing status update.
Also See: Russell Brand Annoyingly Distances Himself From The Election Campaign Following Conservative Victory
With that being said, here are the types of Facebook posts you have likely encountered since David Cameron made his way back into Downing Street:
1. The people who complain about the result despite not having voted.
The equivalent of making your bed before then defecating it, there are none more annoying than those who are disappointed with the result of the General Election despite having opted not to vote. Choosing not to vote either out of ambivalence, a lack of knowledge regarding the policies of the candidates, an idealistic opinion that doing so will somehow incite the Russell Brand social revolution or out of sheer laziness is in actuality a vote in and of itself, because failing to get to your local polling station would ensure that whoever was in the lead would gain added momentum without your vote there to potentially change the tide. If you haven’t voted but are disappointed that the Conservatives are now in power, just know that your opinion is worthless.
2. Those who are fed up of hearing about politics.
We hear you. Having an entire friends list banging on relentlessly about exactly the same topic can become tiresome, and people who tell you that you should become interested in politics often do so with an air of palpable condescension that makes you never want to vote again lest you become one of them. But really, what else is anybody going to use Facebook for? If it wasn’t politics littering your feed it’d be popular Vine videos re-uploaded by companies looking to steal likes on the back of someone else’s work in order to improve the reach of their #brand, or stuff you’d already seen on the front page of Reddit two weeks ago.
3. The people who share links to articles explaining their political viewpoints because they’re not articulate enough to do so themselves.
They don’t actually know what they’re talking about, but here’s a link to an Owen Jones article that they’ve now decided is the entire basis for their political beliefs.
4. UKIP voters unhappy about the current voting system, the result, Farage leaving the party and just about everything else, really.
UKIP were left with just one seat despite being the third most popular party in this election which, despite no one in their right minds wanting UKIP to get anywhere near a position of power, is a little unfair. This hasn’t been lost on UKIP voters, who are frothing at their bigoted mouths in regards to how the current voting system doesn’t allow for an entirely accurate representation of how the country has voted, along with going into mourning after party leader Nigel Farage stepped down from his position after failing to win his seat in South Thanet. However, Farage has said that he might return in 2020 when the General Election rolls around, meaning that he has essentially gone on holiday for five years, left his work to the rest of his staff and will then return to rally up the racists again when there’s a chance he could get some form of power.
5. The apologetic Conservatives.
You don’t really come across many proud Conservatives on Facebook. In truth, those who voted for Conservative come across as a little embarrassed by their decision. As such, posts made by Conservative voters typically come across as apologies for them doing so, or an explanation of their actions. You’ll hear that they only voted blue because they “didn’t like Ed Miliband”, and that they feel “Labour wouldn’t know how to run a country.” You imagine them saying this while holding up a dead fox in one hand and directing the poor into a food bank with the other.
6. The people who wade in with a joke everyone’s already heard approximately 36 times.
“Forget the Labour party and the Conservative party, because there ain’t no party like an S Club party!” It didn’t make sense the first time someone posted it, but the amount of times you’ve read this joke has now broken the double figure mark and you are seriously considering deactivating your Facebook account because of this.
Photos: Getty Images
