People go a little bit crazy when they’re on vacation. Free from the shackles of work/education, they use that week of their year to abandon their inhibitions and let it all hang out in a whirlwind of booze-addled madness.
However, there are some people who take it a little too far. Here are 7 kinds of drunk idiots you’ll meet on your summer vacation.
1. Shuffling Jackasses Wearing Low-Cut Vests
As the world of popular music continues to buddy up next to “molly culture,” ditching instruments altogether in favor of foreign DJs spurting out bloops and bleeps from behind their Macbooks, an almost tribe-like group of young men have arisen – low-cut-vest-wearing jackasses.
These jackasses can be spotted a mile away (which is likely their intention), with their snapbacks hovering an inch above their heads, the necklines of their flimsy vests falling below their nipples and their iPhones permanently glued to the palms of their hands, blasting out a Spotify playlist filled with tracks that you’re certain they don’t actually enjoy listening to, but rather use it to complement their aesthetic. Never seen in anything less than groups of three, these irritants are attracted to each other like moths to a flame… or jackasses to other jackasses who share the same awful taste in music.
2. The Dehydrated Nomad
No one knows where this man has come from or where he’s been, but his presumably eventful day has concluded with him lying face down in a ditch. If this were to happen in any other circumstance you’d likely call an ambulance, but you’re on vacation so you’ll probably leave him be and assume that someone will come and find him eventually.
The summer sun combined with alcohol can prove to be just too much for many, especially those who are under impression that beer is a good substitute for water. Pro tip: It’s not.
3. Girl Who Drinks Way Too Much for Her Small Stature
When you see a short girl ordering shot after shot after shot at a bar, you can already predict how her evening will end. Summer vacations see people let loose, but this girl has taken that philosophy to a whole ‘nother level as she hops aboard the tequila train and refuses to get off until she winds up elbow-deep in a pool of her own vomit.
If people tell her to slow down, her slurred response will likely be “I’m on vacation!” before ordering in another round of slammers. Unfortunately, she won’t make it past 9pm before her friends are hauling her back to their hotel.
4. That One Guy Who’s Everywhere
You don’t know how you keep bumping into this guy, but you can only assume that the universe is forcing you together. Unfortunately, he’s quite irritating and as such you’d very much like it if the universe could pack it in.
He was on board your departing flight, he’s staying in the same hotel as you, and you frequently see him on your nights out where he forces you to exchange pleasantries for a seemingly infinite amount of time. The chances that he’ll be sitting next to you on your return flight are looking increasingly high.
5. The Girl Who’s Fallen Out with Everyone She Loves
Going on vacation with all of your friends is a joy for most, but for some being in such close proximity with people they know for an extended period of time has disastrous results. Chances are that at some point during your vacation you’ll bump into a lone drunken girl, sobbing and reeling off a tall tale about how all of her friends are assholes, how her boyfriend’s an asshole and how, if you spend enough time talking to her, you’re probably an asshole, too.
As infuriated as she is inebriated, you can imagine that given how she has seemingly alienated herself from everyone she loves, she’ll probably be returning home from her vacation with less than she left with.
6. The Guy Who Always Goes One Step Too Far
There’s no better time to let yourself go than when you’re on vacation, but there’s always that one guy who takes it a step too far and proves to be a danger not only to himself, but to others.
At the start of the vacation it’s humorous watching this typically level-headed individual slowly devolve into Steve-O, but after a few days (and a few hangovers) you’d really begin to appreciate it if he’d calm down a little. Sometimes you just want to chill out in the sun, but this guy is preoccupied with trying to drink himself into oblivion, or drunkenly accost female passers-by, or set himself on fire. He’ll do anything to get a laugh, but unfortunately the joke wears thin very quickly.
7. The Guy with Ridiculous Sunburn
This guy decided that he was too tough to apply sun tan lotion, and now he looks like a lobster.
On your summer vacation you’ll come across many previously pasty white men who made the decision to ignore logic and reason by wandering around topless with the sun beating down on them, but there’s always one guy who turned out looking a lot worse than the rest, and is therefore shedding his skin like a reptile. With every movement he grimaces in pain, he’s now forced to wear two layers in order to keep that pesky sunlight from further searing through his skin, and his hotel room resembles a snake pit.
Idiot.
Photos: Getty Images
