The problem with getting drunk is that, unless you’re the kind of person who only drinks in the comfort of their own home (in which case, you may or may not need to seek professional help) you’ll always find yourself surrounded by drunk people. And drunk people are the worst.
While some people can successfully characterize themselves as “good drunks” in that they don’t piss off everyone around them after having one too many shots, the following types of drunk people are absolutely the very worst you’ll find when under the influence of alcohol.
1. The Crying Drunk
There’s no swifter way to end your night out than lumbering yourself with the crying drunk. Not only is the reasoning behind their woes completely incomprehensible due to them having consumed so much alcohol that they’ve lost the ability to form cohesive sentences, but remaining by their side means that you’re destined to conclude your evening in the back of a cab with them, trying to make sense of their emotional turmoil in between their sobs.
2. The Aggressive Drunk
When the taste of alcohol hits the lips of the aggressive drunk, they will launch into a frenzy of misplaced rage spawned from underlying self-esteem issues. Replace that alcohol with cocaine and expect the aggressive drunk to turn into an angry Superman, armed with the strength and resiliency of 10 men. Unfortunately, each of those 10 men are also incredibly stupid.
3. The Handsy Drunk
No one takes umbrage with the loving camaraderie displayed by a collection of drunks, but when the handsy drunk appears that camaraderie is replaced by uncomfortable groping and nigh-on molestation. A few drunken embraces are par for the course, but the handsy drunk’s inability to keep their hands by their sides makes you consider ending your night by filing a restraining order.
4. The Bullshit Drunk
The bullshit drunk has a habit of forming taller and taller tales with each unit of booze they consume. It’s almost unfathomable to think that they’re under the impression you believe the tripe they’re spouting, but that’s just the life that the bullshit drunk leads.
5. The Miserable Drunk
The black cloud hanging over an otherwise fun night out, the miserable drunk wants to bring everyone down with them. It’s a wonder why they still attend these sorts of occasions considering that the only thing they contribute is an air of hopelessness. They’re a headache before you’ve even had a chance to get a hangover.
6. The Cheap Drunk
No one likes someone who won’t put their hand in their pocket every once in a while, especially after you’ve bought them a drink. Avoid the cheap drunk like the cheap drunk avoids spending money.
7. The Loud Drunk
In this case, think of “loud” as a synonym of “obnoxious,” because the loud drunk will go out of their way to ensure that you’re as annoyed by their presence as is humanly possible.
8. The “Really Shouldn’t Be” Drunk
The “really shouldn’t be” drunk hasn’t consumed that much alcohol, yet it looks like they’re ready for an early night. Spending too much time within the vicinity of them will wind up with you having to clean vomit off your clothes the next day, and will likely lead to you ending your evening by attempting to drag them into their own house.
