There’s that age-old fallacy that the first thing a female will notice about you is your footwear. This is, of course, a complete fabrication, because if that was the case then women would spend the majority of their days looking to the ground admiring shoelaces, rather than actually focusing on where they were walking. It would be complete and utter chaos.
But a man’s footwear is important in helping him complete his “look”, and as such we thought we’d give you an indication of what your shoes say about you.
What Your Footwear Says About You
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Converse All-Stars
If you're 20-29 years old: "I work part-time in a coffee shop, but my real passion is playing guitar for my band The Lost Youth. We're playing our first gig next week. It's in a pub. Eight people are attending."
If you're 35-45 years old: "My mid-life crisis is now in full effect."
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HUF Sutter
If you're 20-29 years old: "My hobbies include going to clubs that play House music no sober person would ever enjoy, dropping an E and trying to chew my own bottom lip from off of my face in the toilets."
If you're 35-45 years old: "My wife left me."
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Nike High-Tops w/ Superhero Design
If you're 20-29 years old: "I have no idea what I'm doing."
If you're 35-45 years old: "I have no idea what I'm doing."
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Timberland
If you're 20-29 years old: "My shoes make me look like the adventurous type, but in reality they're so expensive that I don't really want to ever walk in them."
If you're 35-45 years old: "I'm probably one of those cool English teachers, or I just saw a photo of Kanye West wearing a pair of them and really want to impress my resentful children."
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Winklepicker
If you're 20-29 years old: "Pairing these shoes with tight jeans accentuates the slenderness of my legs and the length of my feet, which some people somehow find desirable."
If you're 35-45 years old: "I'm going to wear these shoes with jeans so my peers know that I'm stylish, but am also ready to party if the moment arises. Unfortunately, this odd combination also means that the lower half of my body looks like a penguin wearing denim."
