Americans have been forced to endure quite a bit of chaos and despair over the last few years. From a worldwide pandemic and near toppling of democracy to crashing markets and insanely high inflation, it’s pretty clear that marijuana needs to be made legal at the federal level to offset this absolute agony. So the last thing anyone needs to worry about is whether their woman is pooping the bed.
Due to the high-profile legal case involving actors Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, we first learned about the spiteful act of bed defecation. Amber Heard, of course, has denied doing the dirty deed, testifying that it was actually Depp’s Teacup Yorkie. Seeing as we all have (sadly) seen the infamous Heard turd, that Yorkie would have to have the anus of a Great Dane to pull off a stinky feat like that. You don’t exactly have to be Perry Mason to know only a human could pinch a loaf like that, and blaming the furbaby on the dump only vilifies Heard even more.
Considering the average person craps at least three times a day, there’s a real distinct chance of leaving a steamer on the Sealy. Incontinence while sleeping — or pooping the bed — isn’t as uncommon as you may think. In fact, fecal incontinence is an actual thing and prevalent among women. In other words, that might not be a chocolate kiss under your pillow.
So here’s a helpful guide to know if your woman is lying about pooping the bed.
Cover Photo: Image Source (Getty Images)
woman lying about pooping the bed
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1. She Blames a Super Tiny Dog
Amber Heard has taught us that we can never trust a woman who blames bed defecation on the dog, especially if said dog is super tiny and the turd, well, not so much.
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2. She Omits Crocodile Tears
While there's never really a good excuse from crapping the bed, it's a dark place that some of us have reached after a night of binge drinking. However, if the person claiming they did not crap the bed was not sick or anything, then chances are they did it. If they start shedding overdramatic tears, then it's all but certain they did.
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3. She Bursts Into Whining
Much like the scenario involving crocodile tears, the act of whining during a simple questioning process indicates a lot of guilt on her end.
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4. She Gets Overly Defensive
If your woman didn't leave a hot, spiteful turd in the bed, she'll most likely explain so in a quick and calm fashion.
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5. She Blinks a Lot
A good way to tell if your woman is lying about pooping in your bed is if she suddenly starts blinking a lot. Unless she has a major stress disorder or ocular disease, then chances are she left that turd in your bed.
