When it comes to excuses, men are literal geniuses. We’re not that smart before or after, but when the moment arrives to spin a web of bullshit, we shine like the stars above. Not saying that’s a great quality, it’s simply a fact of nature. And with every new leap in technology, our library of flimsy explanations expands accordingly.
But tragically, there’s a gap in the market today, a new trouble spot men are falling prey to by the millions. As a result, relationships are suffering as more men get caught by their women checking out other women on social media.
When it comes to relationship rules online, the debate rages on. While some folks say there’s no harm in plopping down on the couch to scroll through a veritable smorgasbord of hot pics, others believe it’s a form of cheating.
But we’re not here to provide answers. Just excuses. Let society duke out right from wrong.
In the meantime, we’d like to offer some help by sharing this list of ingenious excuses with our fellow idiots to save them from a world of hurt. But don’t thank us. This is the result of several lifetimes of work from pioneering morons who’ve come before and is guaranteed to lead to instant apology-hugs from your significant other. And that’s what healing is all about.
Happy scrolling.
Cover Photo: dangrytsku (Getty Images)
7 excuses for looking at other women
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Gift Hunting
You're not looking AT other women, You're looking at the super cute decor in the background of their living room bikini pics for gift ideas. Duh.
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Phone Virus
Of course you wanna put your phone down and hang out! But the only way you can neutralize this virus is by looking at as many photos of other women as possible in the next 30 minutes.
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For Science
You've signed up for a three-year study involving pre-frontal lobe response to digital stimuli. That should buy you some time.
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Solo Mental Foreplay
You know, for the mindblowing sex you plan to give her later.
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Sex Therapy
Now would be a great time to tell her you're a sex therapist. If she asks any follow-up questions, tell her you're late for an appointment and jump onto a moving vehicle.
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You're Writing A Paper For School
And it's called Collection of Women I Am Not Attracted To Part I. Let no one stand in the way of your education.
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You're A Guy
If all else fails, just tell her you're a man and you can't help yourself. Trust us, this classic excuse works every time and won't make you look like a dick. At all.
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Turn The Tables
Now that you've endured the Spanish Inquisition, go ahead and ask your girlfriend why she has a folder of Paul Rudd GIFs on her computer labeled "Boring Sauce Recipes" and see if you can't still snag that apology-hug.
