There’s only one person in the entire world who can make Ray-Bans look uncool. In an effort to distract from this impressive feat, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is getting into bed with the eyewear legend to make a tech baby called Ray-Ban Stories. (We apologize if we just implanted an image of Zuckerberg climbing between the sheets wearing nothing but sunglasses.)
For about $300, the smart glasses don’t come with AR (yet), but they’re fully loaded with a discreet set of stereoscopic 5-megapixel cameras, 3 omnidirectional microphones, two audio speakers, and a rechargeable lens case. It even connects seamlessly to your smartphone and can be operated with both voice-activated and touch controls so you can post secretly obtained photos to Facebook without anyone noticing.
Andrew Bosworth, Facebook’s head of hardware (who comes in a close second to Zuckerberg in the cool-factor department) says, “I think in ten years it’ll be like, ‘Of course. Why don’t your glasses take pictures? That’s just weird.'”
Spoken like a true visionary.
With Silicon Valley fully behind the rise of wearable tech, smart glasses are the wave of the future whether we like it or not. To deal with society’s inevitable transition to virtual reality where we will all live in the land of Pokémon, we’ve come up with this handy dandy list of do’s and don’ts for Facebook’s first-generation smart glasses.
Cover Photo: YouTube
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Facebook Camera Glasses 1
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DO Take Sexting to the Next Level
OK, the first thing you're going to wanna do is send some sexts using your awesome new camera glasses. Go for it! The best part is the stereoscopic lenses make 3-D conversion a cinch. Sexting is about to pop like never before.
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DO Make Fun POV Content
We're not strictly talking porn here (though expect to see a lot more POV porn starting now). Ray-Ban Stories can add a novel twist to your TikToks, IG Stories, and 3-D Peep Show reenactments. Take that El Dude Brothers!
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DON'T Forget to Turn Facebook Live Off Before You Knock One Out
There's a 100 percent chance that someone somewhere is going to accidentally live stream their wank fest onto social media and we're all going to talk about it for an entire week. Don't be that someone.
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DO Respect Other People's Privacy
The biggest concern with this kind of tech (and Facebook in general) is the invasion of privacy. The little red RECORD light is nearly invisible on these glasses, which makes video sneak attacks a serious issue. No one wants to see surprise selfies or private conversations suddenly appear online. Also, don't walk up to strangers and volunteer that you are wearing Ray-Ban Stories. No one cares about the new gadget you bought to fill the empty, soul-crushing void in your life that will ultimately swallow you whole.
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DON'T Become a Digital Peeping Tom
The temptation to become a digital scoundrel is about to take hold. Resist the urge. Remember your library of Ray-Ban Stories will one day come to define who you are - and a gallery of voyeuristic cleavage shots isn't exactly what you want on rotation at your funeral. Maybe?
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DON'T Try to Get a Job With the NSA
On second thought, why the hell not? If being a super spy is your passion, you might as well try and get paid for it even if your only experience is watching the first half of Austin Powers on an old VHS at your grandpa's house. And if you don't get the job, you'll probably still end up working for the NSA, you just won't know about it.
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DON'T Look Yourself Directly in the Mirror
If Facebook can't face up to what they've become - knowingly subjecting teens to manufactured depression, spreading misinformation online that affects global politics, hawking everyone's personal data for money, creating an authoritarian VIP list of culturally vapid celebrities allowed to circumvent rules of conduct, et al - why the hell should we?
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DO Continue to Eat Popsicles
So what if the blueprint for future tech has become a digital spiderweb built to ensnare all humankind? Life goes on. Eat your popsicles before they melt.
