The Mandatory Joe Rogan Guide to Beating Covid in Record-Breaking Time

Never in the history of the world has a court jester had the power to sway the tide with an offhanded comment like Joe Rogan, whose ape-minded meanderings have divided Americans on the small matter of a little thing called Covid.

Rogan has had an interesting take on how to handle the virus since the very beginning and his influence has been felt far and wide, nowhere more so than on the right, with conservative pundits rallying around him like a school of fish on a hippo’s ass.

The surprising coronavirus rewrite of Rogan’s image – which had long been a bastion for non-political-bro-centric-stoners – has led to a radical politicization of his brand, polarizing every word that comes out of his mouth, along with the lifestyle choices he so publicly touts to his 11 million listeners on the Joe Rogan Experience.

If Joe Rogan says to hold in your farts, millions of people clench, doctors be damned.

So it came as no surprise that when Covid finally caught up with Rogan after a series of standup performances in Florida the public reaction split hard, with his detractors secretly hoping for a long, protracted battle that would act as a wake-up call to his followers.

But as fate would have it, Rogan recuperated within a matter of days and headed back to his podcast to speak about his experience and reaffirm his position.

One thing about Rogan: He knows he’s unsmart and so he asks others for wisdom, latching onto any new idea that’s presented with enough chutzpah.

Case in point, at the beginning of the pandemic, Rogan refused to wear a mask because it detracted from his raging masculinity (to which Bill Burr famously said, “Oh god, you’re so tough, with your f**king open nose and throat”). Now he sells JRE masks on Amazon.

While the same reversal could very well happen for Rogan’s stance on the Covid vaccine, until further notice, he’ll continue to be a major voice for anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, and GOP pundits who point to him as some kind of proof of concept on living right.

For example, Rogan’s support of currently unverified treatments for Covid has helped things like ivermectin prescriptions jump from 3,600 a week (pre-pandemic) to 88,000 a week – with a five-fold increase in emergency poisonings.

Sure, Rogan is self-aware enough to know the impact he’s having but he’s also Libertarian-leaning enough to shrug his shoulders about being personally responsible for influencing other people’s choices, the kind that seems to be keeping the right smug and the left angry (with the buzzword of the day being ivermectin).

So while a lot of media attention has focused on Rogan’s use of the de-worming agent, no one has blown the lid off of the other key ingredients in his self-professed “kitchen sink” style medical cocktail.

Until now.

For those who want all the gory deets on Joe Rogan’s secret sauce, here’s how to beat Covid in record-breaking time without missing a day at the squat rack.

Cover Photo: Michael S. Schwartz (Getty Images)

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