‘Performance Beer’ Says It’s Time to Get Productive When You’re Sauced (What It Is and Why It’s a Terrible Idea)

March 30, 2021

Photo: skynesher (Getty Images)

If you’ve paid close attention to the world of brewing in the last few years, you might have stumbled onto the term “performance beer.” It’s a very confusing phrase for multiple reasons. Designed for athletes, the name is an obvious oxymoron on par with jumbo shrimp, old news, or lead balloon. In the simplest terms, performance beers are created to be imbibed after a workout or as a healthier option for boozers on the go. These beers are lower in carbs, calories, and sometimes contain extra, healthy ingredients that look good on a can.

But we have some problems with this concept. If you’re an athlete, you probably shouldn’t chug a brewski before or after a workout even if it contains chia seeds, electrolytes, or some other “healthy” ingredients. You should stick to water or Gatorade.

It’s still beer. If you want to drink beer, just drink it. Just don’t drink 10 beers after running a marathon or you’ll not only ruin everything you’ve just done, you’ll also probably throw them all up.

It should be noted that while performance beers exist, there really aren’t that many on the market yet. But it’s a growing segment with well-known brands like Harpoon, Boulevard, Southern Tier, and Avery trying their hands at brewing them.

Since people are drinking performance beers, we’re sure to see more appear on the market soon. This makes us wonder what would happen if someone took the concept a little too seriously and actually thought they could drink a half-dozen beers and workout because they’re made with water and “healthy” ingredients. Below you’ll find a dozen GIFs that completely explain what we mean.