Remember when we thought 2016 was the worst year this country had ever seen? Ha! None of us saw 2020 coming. The shitty state of the world is the No. 1 reason why you need to vote in the presidential election this year. While we’re the first to admit the two-party system is flawed, it’s the only democracy we’ve got, and the only way to change the system is from within.
There is no perfect candidate, and you very well may look at dueling geezers Donald Trump and Joe Biden and not see anything redeemable in either of them. But there are drastic differences in their platforms and their plans (or lack thereof) for the country. How to decide which one deserves your ballot? We’ve compiled a list of burning questions relevant to this year’s election; answer “yes” to any of them and we’ll tell you which candidate aligns with your values. Once you make up your mind, get out there and vote ASAP. This very well may be the most important election of our lifetime; don’t let it pass you by.
Without further ado, this is the undecided voters’ guide to making up your damn mind before the election.
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Undecided Voters
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Do you want to beat coronavirus?
Trump downplayed the severity of coronavirus from the start of the pandemic. He mocked masks. He told Americans drinking Lysol was a cure. He now says the worst is over, despite stats released last week that show the United States reached its highest one-day number of COVID-19 infections (more than 83,000).
Yes, Trump himself was afflicted and recovered. The difference between you and Trump, however, is that he had a team of doctors and experimental medicines to put him back together. You, mere mortal, have no such access to that level of treatment.
Biden acknowledges the pandemic is still going strong and supports mask mandates (which have been proven to be the most effective, cheap, and easiest form of preventing coronavirus deaths). Do you believe in science or fiction? You can only pick one.
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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Do you want healthcare?
Like the healthcare you have now? Biden has vowed to protect it. Need better healthcare? Biden wants to tack a public option onto the American Care Act. He also wants to ensure people with pre-existing conditions (i.e. virtually everyone) have access to insurance. Hoping to die at home before your time from something minor because you can’t afford to see a doctor? Trump has a “beautiful plan” just for you.
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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Do you want another stimulus check?
Democrats want to put more money in your pocket right now. Period. Republicans just want to hem and haw and make you beg for economic relief. While both Biden and Trump support another round of economic stimulus to compensate for the economic devastation coronavirus has caused, Democrats want to focus more on giving people money back while Trump is more concerned about the wellbeing of businesses and their owners.
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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Do you like the planet?
You don’t have to be an eco-maniac. You don’t even have to recycle. But if you appreciate this place called Earth where we all dwell and live, there’s only one choice here. Biden acknowledges climate change is a serious problem, and has some ideas on how to slow it down by moving away from an oil-based economy. Trump thinks climate change is a hoax and wants to kiss Big Oil and Big Gas’ asses until the whole world turns into a fiery ball and we burn along with it.
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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Do you want to make your own reproductive decisions?
Reproductive rights aren’t just for women, because if women don’t have them, men also lose the ability to decide if and when they have children. Biden believes people should be able to make their own choices around family planning. Trump just nominated seven-time mom Amy Coney Barrett – who wants to limit, if not altogether eliminate, access to abortion, contraception, and IVF – to the Supreme Court. In other words, if you’ve ever had unprotected sex with no intention of becoming a baby daddy, Biden is your only safe bet.
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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Do you believe racism is a problem?
Biden acknowledges institutional racism and wants to emphasize inclusion in the coming years. Trump swore he was the “least racist person in this room” at the final presidential debate, which was moderated by a Black woman.
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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Do you have immigrant relatives?
Unless you’re Native American, your family is not “from here.” Someone, at some point, immigrated to the U.S. from another country. Other people deserve the same opportunity to pursue the American Dream just like your relatives did. Biden wants to facilitate citizenship for over 11 million undocumented people, including Dreamers. Trump wants to continue to rip families apart at the border and put innocent children in cages. Over 500 kids are orphaned right now due to his policies. What this question really comes down to is: do you have a fucking heart?
If You Answered "Yes," Vote For: Biden
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The Takeaway
If you can’t make up your mind, undecided voter, it’s because you don’t have a brain. Voting for another four years of Trump is a death wish. If it isn’t from corona, it’ll be because the Asshat-in-Chief gets us into a nuclear war. Or some other unimaginable tragedy. (He’s full of surprises. We’ll give him that. Too bad it’s always the worst kind.)
Nobody’s jumping up and down to vote for Biden – he’s old, he’s awkward, he’s your creepy uncle – but he’s better than the alternative. He has political experience. He has solid plans. And if he kicks the bucket while in office, we get to have Kamala Harris as president, which would be really freakin’ cool.
Whatever you do, don’t sit this election out. Vote.
