With the same excitement Navin Johnson exclaimed that the “new phone book is here” in The Jerk, we scream at the top of our lungs every time Apple announces a new iPhone. And since we like to keep the unending cycle going, we were pretty stoked when Tim Cook announced the company would soon be dropping four new 5G smart phones.
At a virtual event on Tuesday, Cook confirmed what Apple heads (is that a thing?) were eagerly awaiting. The company will be dropping the iPhone 12, iPhone 12 Pro, iPhone 12 Pro Max, and a smaller, lighter iPhone 12 mini. They all come with 5G (which definitely doesn’t cause COVID).
Just like previous phones, you’re going to have to pay a lot of cash to get your hands on one of these phones. The cheapest, the iPhone 12 mini, is $699. The most expensive, the iPhone Pro Max, is a staggering $1,099. Luckily, you probably won’t even notice because you pay monthly. You have to do what you have to do, right? It’s not like you’re going to settle for a Google Pixel 5 for much less than that.
Since we’ve reeled you in with the showmanship of Tim Cook, we figured the time was right to let you in on all the jaw-dropping (no sarcasm there) new features of this new smartphone. Check them all out below.
Photo: Apple
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iPhone 12 Features
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Magsafe
You might remember that Apple used Magsafe before with Macbooks and now they’re bringing it back for the new iPhone. Simply put, it’s a magnet in the back of the phone that the charger snaps into. Now your phone won’t die overnight when your charging cord falls out and your alarm never goes off in the morning.
Photo: Apple
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Cameras Galore
The iPhone 12 and iPhone 12 mini has two cameras on the back. But, if you really enjoy snapping photos, you’ll opt for the 12 Pro Max as it has one more camera for whatever reason.
Photo: Apple
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Low-Light Photos
This is a great phone for low-light photography. The image sensors on the wide-lens cameras are almost 50 percent larger than the last set of iPhones. So, snap all the sunset photos you want. Nobody really wants to see them on your Instagram. They like them out of pity.
Photo: Apple
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Multiple Colors
If you don’t plan to put your new iPhone in a protective case, enjoy your $1,000 cracked screen. Also, the phone comes in black, white, red, green, and blue. The rest of us don’t care if it comes in puke green because we’re putting it in a case.
Photo: Apple
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Speed
Cook claims that the new A14 Bionic chip is the fastest chip in any smartphone. But, we can’t verify this and who knows how much faster it is than any other smartphone on the market. They’re all fast. It’s 2020.
Photo: Apple
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Night Mode
The new phones will have software updates that enable all kinds of completely unnecessary camera functions including night mode time lapses so you can finally catch that pesky raccoon stealing all of your bird food.
Photo: Apple
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Battery Saver
Since you likely spend 20 to 22 hours per day staring directly into your own empty, dark soul via the screen of your iPhone, you’ll be happy to hear that the new iPhone detects when your phone doesn’t require 5G connections and switches to LTE to save your battery. This means more time for funny cat videos.
Photo: Apple
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Extra Zoom
Creeps and people who are using extreme social distancing will be happy to hear that the new iPhones have the lenses that zoom 5x from the ultra-wide setting to telephoto. Also, the main camera zoom is 2.5x now.
Photo: Apple
