There was never anything wrong with vodka. But that didn’t stop some enterprising marketing asshole from trying to improve on a good thing. We don’t know what the first flavored vodka was, but we do know it created an industry that seems hellbent on one-upping itself with disgusting varieties of the Russian spirit. It used to be that the worst bottle out there was green apple, but now, there are so many crazy incarnations of the clear alcoholic beverage that fruity flavors seem tame in comparison. Curious how bad it’s gotten? Well, we’ve uncovered and ranked the worst flavored vodkas in existence to spare you the stomach-turning taste-testing. You can buy us a drink to thank us later.
Cover Photo: Robert Daly (Getty Images)
Sip it, don’t spread it: Tito’s Vodka Urges Drinkers Not to Use Its Booze as Hand Sanitizer
Stop the insanity: Researchers Say Mixing Vodka And Energy Drinks Is As Bad As Cocaine
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Worst Flavored Vodkas
-
10. Marshmallow Vodka
What are you supposed to pair this with? A campfire, chocolate bar, and graham crackers?
-
9. Cupcake Vodka
We really don't need a simultaneous sugar rush and alcoholic buzz, thanks.
-
8. Bubblegum Vodka
Why does this flavor remind us of getting fluoride at the dentist? You know you're not supposed to swallow bubblegum, right? Why would we want to drink it?
-
7. Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka
Sure, we've all drunk our lunch at some point, but we don't want our drink of choice to actually taste like a lunch, much less that of a kindergartner.
-
6. Pumpkin Pie Vodka
Let's be honest: pumpkin pie is the worst-tasting pie on any holiday menu. We only choke down a slice to make grandma happy. Why we'd want to do shots of it at any time of the year is beyond us.
-
5. Bacon Vodka
Nothing should be meat-flavored except meat. No exceptions. Do you hear us, beverage makers?
-
4. Popcorn Vodka
Popcorn is delicious in one context and one context only: at the movies. We never, ever want to experience it in beverage form, not even with extra butter.
-
3. Wasabi Vodka
Vodka is potent enough without a tongue-scorching condiment incorporated into it. Whoever thought up this flavor was a sadist looking to prank their pals.
-
2. Cilantro Vodka
Let's leave the cilantro to Chipotle burritos and keep it out of our drinking rotation. Herbal aftertaste is not what we go to alcohol for.
-
1. Fresh Cut Grass Vodka
This is a real flavor. We shit you not. It comes from a brand called Oddka, and we can only imagine what kind of grass its makers were smoking when they invented this. We'll stick to huffing the air after a lawn mowing session instead. No need to swallow down that summery goodness.
