It began with the NBA shutdown and eventually led to the closing of schools, bars, and restaurants across the country. With social distancing from the novel coronavirus in full effect, ostensibly St. Patrick’s Day in all of its green-hued glory has been canceled as well. Well, by canceled we mean parades and drunken bar revelry are on hiatus for one year (you can double your drunken shenanigans next year if the U.S. still exists). Luckily, that doesn’t mean that you can’t still enjoy yourself from the comfort of your own home. That’s why we decided to come up with a handy dandy guide to get your Irish on during St. Patty’s while you self-quarantine.
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St pats quarantine guide
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Stock up on Booze
If you haven’t already, the time is right to buy booze (and a lot of it). Nobody knows how long the threat of COVID-19 will last and you want to be prepared with bottles of wine, whiskey, and a lot of beer. Some stores will even deliver to you so you don’t have to put yourself at risk by going shopping.
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Dye Everything Green
If you already have green dye, just add it to everything. Green eggs and ham for breakfast? Why not? Beer? Heck yes. Milk? No, that’s taking it a little too far. Not everything has to be green. Take it easy.
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Eat Some Corned Beef
If you can find any on the shelves, grab some corned beef, cabbage, and potatoes to enjoy a proper (very Americanized) St. Patrick’s Day dinner. Or make bangers and mash. If you can’t find any of those, maybe your local grocery store has a box or two of Lucky Charms. That should do the trick.
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Dance a Jig or Two
Take a few moments (especially if you’ve had a few green beers) to do a nice jig, floss, pop and lock, the robot, or just awkwardly sway from side to side while keeping direct eye contact with whoever is in the room.
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Put on Some Irish Music
Stream the soothing sounds of The Pogues, Dropkick Murphy’s, or any other Irish-sounding band. Heck, as long as you find a song with bagpipes, you’re good to go.
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Have a Parade in Your Apartment
Sure, your local (and every other) parade has been cancelled. But that shouldn’t stop you from promenading around your house or apartment, pretending to lead a band behind you. Nobody will judge you except maybe the dog.
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Drink Too Much
You’re not going anywhere since you’re stuck in your house. You might as well drink like you’re at the St. Patrick’s Day parade. Just don’t get so drunk you try to pee on the side of a building because you’re actually inside your own apartment and cleaning up dried urine the next day is a real bummer.
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Fall Asleep Before 2 PM
Just like you do on most St. Patrick’s Days, get so inebriated that you fall asleep in mid-afternoon as you slowly sip on Tullamore DEW while you stream Darby O’Gill and the Little People on Disney+.
