We’ve officially entered the month of spring break. It’s time to pack your bags, slather on the sunscreen, and start day drinking. There are so many places to get your week of rest and relaxation (or, rather, partying and puking) on that you’ve spent more time researching vacation packages than you have studying for finals. Where you end up booking your trip is not only a matter of cost and climate, but a measure of your personality as well. What does your spring break destination say about you? Read on to find out!
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Spring Break Says About You
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Miami
You relish long, lazy days on the beach followed by fast-paced, frenetic nights clubbing. Making out in a muscle car is your idea of romance. You like to see and be seen. You’ve spent all winter in the gym pumping iron and now is your time to show off. Bikinis and swim trunks are considered regular clothing in Miami, which is what makes it the perfect place for your spring break shenanigans.
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South Padre Island
So you want to get crazy stupid drunk but don’t have the budget (or the passport) to leave the country? Welcome to South Padre Island, Texas’ idea of paradise. If you head for this stateside destination, you’re probably working class, a Trump supporter, and not too discriminating when it comes to what kind of liquor you drink. You’ll be blasted most of the week anyway, so does destination really matter?
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Las Vegas
You’re a gambler, be it with money, women, or your life. There’s nothing more enticing to you than living large, being surrounded by the potential of wealth, the symphony of slot machines, and indulging in all-you-can-eat buffets. Though you plan to spend spring break with your bros, you’re secretly hoping that you’ll meet a prostitute who will fall in love with you like Elisabeth Shue in Leaving Las Vegas (without you having to die from alcoholism).
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Cancun
You couldn’t care less about Mexican culture, but you sure do love tacos and tequila. You’re looking forward to spending a week bare-chested, getting burnt to a crisp, and practicing the only Spanish you know: "cerveza" and "baño." You love that your money goes further south of the border, and you’re pretty sure you can score some decent drugs on your spring break, too. Really, the question is: why aren’t more people spring breaking in Mexico? It’s win-win on all accounts, as long as you don’t drink the water.
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Jamaica
You’re a stoner, and from a state that still hasn’t legalized recreational marijuana, which pisses you off to no end. You love reggae music, worship the ground Bob Marley walked on, and could easily subsist on a diet of rum and tropical fruit. A Jamaican spring break is a no-brainer (literally) for you. How long until you can toke up?
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Bahamas
Look at you, big spender. Spring break in the Bahamas is for trust fund babies and sugar daddies, and you’re looking forward to moving from the former to the latter as you age. Speaking of age, drinking is legal here at 18, and you can’t wait to take full advantage. When you’re not getting tanked or picking up one-night stands on the white sand beaches, you plan to partake in adventurous escapades like powerboat and ATV tours.
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Dominican Republic
You love two things: luxury and adrenaline. The Dominican Republic provides both in spades. From gorgeous resorts to zip-lining to all-night dancing, you want a non-stop thrill ride that doesn’t end until you collapse into the sumptuous sheets of your resort suite bed. Yeah, your credit cards will be hurting after this spring break splurge, but once you land that money management gig after graduation, you’ll be financially set for life.
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Europe
You’re an intellectual who doesn’t see the point of spending your spring break wasted and sunburned. You’d rather learn something, see incredible architecture, and enjoy food that won’t give you diarrhea. Anywhere in Europe will do for a solid spring break sightseeing tour; it’s just a question of which country’s language you feel comfortable speaking and what kind of art and history appeal to you. You know you won’t have as good of stories to share with your college classmates but at least you won’t be hungover for a full week after your trip.
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National Park
You’re an environmentalist and believe that spring break is no excuse for inflicting your carbon footprint on the planet. Instead of ruining the ozone with a plane or road trip, you hitchhike to the nearest national park. There’s nothing more soothing to you than being surrounded by trees and sleeping beneath an open sky. You can’t wait to use your Boy Scout skills to construct a hut out of twigs and leaves, kill a couple of squirrels, and roast them over a campfire you started without matches or lighter fuel. No one back at school will understand, but this is the best spring break you can imagine.
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Nowhere
You’re an introvert and a loner who can’t afford to take a vacation thanks to your massive student loan debt. Though it’s still winter where you live, you decide you’ll make the best of your spring break by loading up your watchlist with all the TV you’re behind on and letting yourself eat ice cream for breakfast (with a cocktail chaser). Let everyone else go wild. You’ll be on the couch cuddling with your pets all week instead.
