Whatever you’re doing in life — or avoiding doing — there’s probably an app or multiple apps for that. That’s true even if what you’re trying to do isn’t very good or is even downright nuts. Smartphones help us find food, get rides, chat with friends, do work and procrastinate. You can even get help falling asleep, meditating or pretty much anything else. They’re like modern electronic Swiss Army knives.
Smartphones have taken over almost every aspect of our existence. Many people today find love, sex, or (if they’re lucky) both using their phones. Our pocket computers track our motions. They spy on our conversations. Sometimes they even know us better than we know ourselves. Do you want to create a parallel dimension, date rich guys or hack a Wi-Fi network? You can do it all using your smartphone. Here are eight phone apps that are as terrifying as they are real.
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Terrible Phone Apps
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Rando
If you ever wanted to share a random photo from your phone with a complete stranger, then this app is for you. We just recommend reviewing all your photos before you do, because it seems to always find the most embarrassing ones.
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Universe Splitter
If Thanos made an app instead of focusing on film work, the Universe Splitter would be the result. It supposedly allows you to remotely activate a device that splits the universe, though it’s probably best to save your $19.99, whatever dimension you’re in.
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Digid8
This dating app uses your genetic code to screen out potential partners deemed not to be genetically compatible, sort of like the movie Gattaca meets the TV show Catfish. The idea sounds bad, but when you learn it was developed by George Church, a scientist with highly suspicious ties to pedophile billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, you know it’s even worse than you could imagine.
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Flexispy
When someone suspected their partner of infidelity before smartphones, they’d have to either talk to them honestly or hire a private investigator. Now with Flexispy, you can spy on your significant other 24 hours day, though if you need to, it’s probably time break up anyways.
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The League
The League is an exclusive dating app that allows users to discriminate based on race, religion, class and lots of other helpful data points. It’s perfect for all the wealthy bigots whose game is as weak as their sense of right and wrong.
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iWep PRO
Many apps that allow you to hack other people’s phones through open Wi-Fi networks exist. Thankfully most have been cleaned from the Google and Mac app stores, but iWep PRO is available for download now, so please make sure your passwords aren’t something easy to guess like 1234 or ILoveTurtles4Ever.
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Facebook
Thanks to hardworking journalists like Glenn Greenwald, the public has known that the NSA and FBI have been using Facebook to spy on and manipulate users for over a decade. When combined with findings about how social media use can cause depression and anxiety, we have to wonder whether we’d be better off if Zuckerberg had never stolen the idea in the first place.
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Freedom
The last app, which is called Freedom, blocks social media and other phone apps scientifically designed to distract, track and manipulate you. It’s not evil like the other apps on our list, but the fact it has to exist makes us sad and worried about the future.
