You’re reading another life hack article? Is your life really that hard? The obvious answer is yes! Every day, we awaken to new challenges, layered heavily atop yesterday’s hangover of inspiration. Hate to say it, but you’re in this alone. It’s up to you to hold your own hand while navigating this overpopulated rock that is simply hurling itself through space and time. Take a moment, breathe in deep, exhale strong, and consider these easy everyday power moves to better your existence and grab life by the balls.
Cover Photo: Paramount Pictures
Thrifty wisdom: 10 Simple Life Hacks For Young People With No Money
Green goals: The Mandatory Sustainability Guide to Changing the Way We Live in the New Decade
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Power Moves for 2020
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Start Simple
Do not eat waste. Enjoying a fortune cookie? Yum! Now throw away the fortune. Don't even look at it! Just throw that sliver of printed paper in the trash. It is literally the dessert with a useless garbage center.
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Be You
Never read a horoscope again. Today's Virgo is three weeks from now's Leo, which is next month's Taurus. Don't look up your birthday, look up to space. Put your faith in astronomy, not astrology.
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Lose Fear
Stop using public toilet seat covers. Appropriately gauge the bathroom's sanitation level. If it passes clearance, forgo the annoying process of using a toilet seat cover. If you're bound to catch an infection, a half-ply of recycled tissue isn't going to stop infestation.
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Be Prepared
Keep multiples of everything, from mouthwash and eye drops to condoms, Tums, and nut powder. These essentials keep you going as your age climbs, but your desire to "party" still persists. The dollar store is your ally. These items are small, cheap and easy to stock around your home, work, car, and gym bag. You'll never forget something you need if it's already in place where you'll be.
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Carry Cash
Forget ATM receipts. The only paper you need in your hand is green. A printed statement only makes it more real. And scary.
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Don't Fall for Challenges
Fuck trends. Especially internet fads. Shave (or don't) when and how you want. Don't selfie your life to death. Respect the rampant advancements in handheld technology while being mature enough to recognize a viral "challenge" as a waste of time with little payoff.
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Let Go
Unfriend people who drag you down. The racists, the complainers, the narcissists -- whomever you find constantly clogging your feed, chipping away daily at larger chunks of your patience with each new post.
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Keep Family Off Your Facebook Feed
Keep elder family ties disconnected on most social media platforms. Save yourself the embarrassment. Facebook started as a way to get laid. For this reason, it is recommended that you do not accept friend requests from family. Reassure these loved ones IRL that they are very important to you, but stand firm on your web blockade. When you let them in, you censor yourself and the other like-minded Neanderthals in your inner circle that crave the inappropriate banter that gets us all to the weekend.
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Stay Fluid
Do not make a move until there is a move to make. Everyone experiences draining moments of standstill. Days can often feel repetitive. Always focus on progress, but don't compromise already attained pleasures for the sake of feeling that you "just need a change." Trust your gut. You're your most honest after some personal alone time.
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Shut Up
Do not say what you're going to do until you've already been doing it. Opportunities are given and are taken away in an instant. Don't publicize a new milestone until you've accomplished some semblance of progress. Whether it's a new job or aspirations to hit the gym, just do it for yourself and others will notice the results you achieve.
