Your intentions when sending a dick pic are honorable, at best. You want her to know that she turns you on, but there are better ways to express that sentiment that don’t involve interrupting her work meeting with a shot of your erect meat statue. We know you think your manhood is the greatest thing on Earth, and while she may love and appreciate what it can do, it’s not exactly what we would call photogenic. And it’s not just you, dick pics are the smartphone equivalent of flashing an unsuspecting woman in public. You wouldn’t do that, would you? Oh, you would? OK. Well, looking the dick-pic alternatives below for some more original ideas.
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Dick Pic Alternatives
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Share a pic of your wiener in action.
Your wiener dog, that is. Or any other four-legged furry friend. Instant endearment.
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Send a close-up selfie.
What women really want to see are your eyes and your smile. That’s what gets them excited. Your dick is just the icing on the…never mind.
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Show off your pecs instead.
A shirtless pic of you in bed or fresh out of the shower is enticing to a woman without being offensive. It still suggests intimate skin-on-skin contact without the aggressiveness of genitals.
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Highlight the bulge.
While dick pics leave nothing to the imagination, a shot of your bulge activates her imagination. She’ll fantasize about what it would be like to reach down and feel how hard you are.
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Go for the laughs.
Set the timer and catch yourself doing something goofy (like jumping on a trampoline with a bunch of dildos) on camera. Laughter is the best foreplay.
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Stoke her appetite.
Cook or bake something delicious (and photogenic) for her, then send her an image of it and invite her over to eat it. Her mouth will be watering way more than if you’d sent a dick pic and asked for a BJ.
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Set the scene.
Send her a pic of a place you want to take her on your next date. It’s non-threatening and so much more romantic than a disembodied photo of your junk.
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Remind her how sexy you two are together.
Take selfies together and resend them to her when the mood strikes you. Add a caption like, "Damn, we are hot AF." She'll be riding you in no time.
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Use the eggplant emoji.
OK, fine. If you must be crude, an emoji is still a better way to go than your pixelated anatomy in full color.
