Photo: Anthony Pidgeon (Getty Images)
Because the Mile High City wasn’t high enough, Denver gloriously elbowed its way to the front of the national drug debate once again as the city recently voted on a ballot measure to reduce the criminality of magic mushrooms. Unfortunately, the measure (the first of its kind in the country) was narrowly voted down 52 percent to 48, mostly due to the fact that 12 percent of voters were tripping balls at the time and couldn’t figure out which boxes to mark on the ballot slip.
Virgin high: The Mandatory Guide To Eating Your First Weed Edible
We salute Denver for its effort and look forward to the continued evolution of drug reform. With the legalization of weed transforming the way Americans view medicinal drugs, it’s only a matter of time before the truth about mushrooms comes to light. Our prediction is when that day comes, it will lead to noticeable changes in national behavior. Is Mandatory the Nostradamus of mushroom culture in America? Peep the list below and check back with us in four years to find out.
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Better Communication With Plants And Animals
We're all interconnected beings full of life and joy. Once we remember that, all animals will consider us kin. Plus, have you ever snuggled a lion while climaxing on psilocybin? Pretty fantastic.
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A Reduction In Honking And Flipping The Bird
The constant and general malaise felt by drivers worldwide will dissipate. In its place will be nothing more than a sunshiny feeling of love and contentment.
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Uncontrollable Laughter
The giddiness and beauty of life will enter our collective thoughts with every breath. The total humor of life's follies will be on display in every face. Plus, like a bad case of gonorrhea, laughter is contagious.
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A Rise In Random Hugging Of Strangers
Because hugging strangers feels good. Especially when silk is involved. How did we ever forget that?
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An Increase In Signing Documents In The Wrong Place
Words and letters look really crazy on 'shrooms. Better wait until you come down before signing any contracts. All in all, some pretty good changes.
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Monthly National Picnic Day
Gosh, the outdoors is wonderful. On a headful of mushroom tea, we can all agree how delightful a picnic sounds.
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Yoga Taught In All Schools
Forget aggressive and exclusive sports like dodgeball; the peaceful mindfulness of deep breathing combined with elongated poses will radicalize physical education as we know it.
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Four-Day Work Week
Once everyone realizes that work is little more than a manufactured state of being propagated by the ruling class to structure and control the populace, they will insist on a four-day work week. Take that, The Man.
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Strange (But Harmless) Congressional Behavior
Politics is already ridiculous, but with magic mushrooms now sold at the local CVS, we'll start to see a shift in the nature of the ridiculousness. Can't wait.
