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Unless you’re a sexual deviant yourself, you probably have to sleep with someone to find out what they’re like sexually. That was, until now. If you really want to know someone’s sex style, you don’t have to look much further than the kind of dog they own.
Dogs are like mirrors with a very raw reflection of their owners’ animalistic selves. So if you want to creep and peer into someone’s sex life, all you have to do is look at the one on all fours.
Have a look and see what kind of sexual deviant you’re dating. Let’s just hope you’re not dating someone with one of those hairless, one-eyed rug-pissing ugly mutts.
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So what kind of ugly mutt do you have? Or is that too personal of a question knowing what we now know? Share or don’t in the comments!
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Doggy Style
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Pugs
People who love something this cute, fat, and robust low-key love ass play. You'll never expect it, but by the end of the first date they'll politely ask to defile your bottom. If you're a gentleman, you'll return the favor.
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Golden Retrievers
The Golden Retriever is one of the friendliest dogs around. So it's no surprise their owners are famous for their love of group sex. You can always find these guys taking home multiple women for a next-level "party." If you don't have a friend with a Golden Retriever, get one.
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Corgis
Owners of this adorable genetic anomaly secretly think they're weirder than they are, which is why they're into role-playing. You're the naughty prisoner and they're the guard, you know, that sort of thing. That said, politely reject them if the ever tell you they want to play dog and dog catcher.
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German Pinschers
Two words: Doggy. Style.
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English Bulldogs
People who own English Bulldogs are into things that seem like they're low maintenance but are in fact are not. This is probably why they're so damn into 69ing. No one wants to do this. No one. It's uncomfortable, a lot of unnecessary work, and no one really ever cums from it.
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Chihuahuas
Chihuahua owners are used to having their hands full. These people are obviously masochists who enjoy a little pain on a constant basis. These people might not be full-blown submissives, but they're definitely power bottoms. If that's your thing, you know how to spot what you're looking for now.
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Labrador Retrievers
Labradors are always up to some goddamn thing, especially if it involves something they can eat, which is pretty much their owners' motivation, too. These people love oral sex. Like, love it. So give them something to shut them up the next time you see them.
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Huskies
Like their dogs, these people are built for cuddling. Their sex is kind of sloppy and fun, which is why they're most likely to have side-by-side or spooning sex. If you're more of an active partner, avoid them at the dog park.
