Photo: Izusek (Getty Images)
Greeting cards, as we’ve come to know them, are mostly trite and boring. They’re human love completely devoid of soul. You know, the kind of common drivel that would make Don Draper barf. Instead of underwhelming the one you love with some, “Roses are red, violets are blue,” garbage, do better and give the kind of Valentine’s Day card that she’ll truly never forget.
VD Hacks: 5 Gifts That Crush The Valentine’s Day Cliché
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Did you find the perfect anti-Hallmark Valentine’s Day card? Let us know where it’s from and what it is so we can act like we discovered it!
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Nontraditional Valentines
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For Couples Who Are Practical Adults But Still Have Good Taste
Look, some people struggle with the frilly, emo parts of holidays like Valentine's Day. If this is you and/or your partner, this anatomically correct greeting card says everything you can't. And it does it all with a beautiful illustration of the human heart.
Photo: Amazon
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For Couples Who Know The Eye Roll Is Flirting
Cards by Bald Guy Greetings are always a winner. This "I Love You" card is perfect for the person in your life who knows teasing is the best form of saying, "I love you."
Photo: Bald Guy Greeting Cards
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For Couples Who Know The Value Of A Stellar Booty
Tell your punk girlfriend you love her as much as you have since the day you first laid eyes on her with this Be My Cheeky Valentine card. You won't regret it.
Photo: Etsy
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For Couples Who F*cking Love Each Other
Oh, you're in love? Are you sure? With this "I F*cking Love You" card you can prove your love like you're declaring it in a Tarantino film. If there's a better way to do this, don't tell us. It's probably very illegal.
Photo: Etsy
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For Couples Who Can't Wait For Valentine's Day
This Michael Meyers themed Valentine's Day card is perfect for the person in your life who only cares about Halloween. And, let's face it, after enough horror-able relationships, it's nice to find someone who gets it.
Photo: Etsy
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For Couples Who Got Together During Coupling Season And Things Are Still New
If you've only recently been dating someone and don't want to seem too serious and clingy, this awkward stage Valentine's Day card is exactly what you've been searching for. Let the card do the talking, and a lot of talking at that, so your significant other knows you don't expect too much but also, hey, it's Valentine's Day and we should celebrate like all new couples, by banging.
Photo: Etsy
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For Couples Who Love Cute AF Animals
Holding hands with your partner while watching Cute Overload again? This otter love Valentine's Day card will say everything you can't and it does it with an illustration of the cutest otters.
Photo: Amazon
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For Couples Who Get Down With OG Romance
If you're dating a lady and she expects to be treated like one, wow her with this 3-D pop-up rose Valentine's Day card. You don't even have to bother with flowers because this lovely card is both.
Photo: Amazon
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For Couples Who Wants To Drop The Charade And Bang
If your relationship theme song is "I Want You To Want Me," let them know with this soul-sucking Valentine's Day card.
Photo: Etsy
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For Couples Who Value A Good Old-Fashioned Action Film
If every time you part from your lover all you can think is, "I'll be back," let them know with this Terminator themed Valentine's Day card.
Photo: Etsy
