Photo: Joos Mind (Getty Images)
Fellas, it’s time we grow up and address the bitter elephant in the room. You know what I’m talking about: the elephant sending dozens of angry texts to the woman he met at the bar who has suddenly fallen off the radar. The elephant going off about what a good guy he is and how these women never see that. Men, it’s time you learn how to deal with rejection.
Before you get defensive, try to recognize how men are socialized. How many plots of movies, TV, and even books shoehorn the male lead into winning over a woman out of his league? How many of those plots involve the man initially being rejected? Through his unwavering resolve, he refuses to listen and spends the remainder of the film winning her over.
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All I’m saying is, whether you’ve been conscious of it or not, men are raised to believe that any woman can be “ours” if we play our cards right. “Seduction” communities and pick-up artists have been peddling this idea for years. These communities treat dating like games that can be won by just implementing a specific set of instructions to “win” your human prize.
If you’re still not convinced there’s an issue, take a look at the trend in mass shootings and attacks of men angry over women rejecting them. Likewise, the internet’s Incel (involuntary celibate) community is a place where rejection fuels the hatred of women from thousands of men across the world.
While you’re probably not posting on Incel forums or planning a mass shooting, the growing Incel community should inspire reflection on how the average man handles rejection. As someone who used to stay salty for days after a woman wasn’t interested in me, here are some things I think every man should consider.
There’s No “Secret Trick” to Attraction
Everyone is different and therefore attracted to different things. If you head out on the weekends looking to make a connection or just hook up casually, throw out your book of lines and tactics aimed at enticing women. The truth is it’s either going to happen or it isn’t.
All you can do is put your best, authentic self out there. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re not some people’s type, and that no amount of persistent effort is going to change their feelings.
Relationships Can be Life or Death for Women
Fifteen hundred women are murdered every year by intimate partners. One in three women experience violence from a partner in a lifetime. One in five women are raped in their lifetime, and of those nearly half were committed by someone the woman knew.
These numbers show the severity of the dangers women face, but the individual lives and stories are lost in the raw data. Consider the caution we’ve forced women to use the next time you’re wondering why a woman isn’t responding to your advances.
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Rejection is a Part of Life
If you’re still hung up on the idea that you deserve a woman’s affection, I can guarantee you feel you’re owed everything else in life. Whether it’s a job, grades, or an exciting opportunity, it’s time to accept the fact you’re going to hear “no” a lot in life. The sooner you can find a healthy way to cope with that, the better off society will be.
