Photo: NBC
Well, we’ve really gone and done it this time, only now it’s with 12 of our favorite chocolate bars. But we’re not just ranking them from bad to good or least addictive most addictive, as we all know, the chocolate candy bar tends to always be good and always addictive. Break you off a piece? I think not.
We’ve had our way in past, ranking pizza and the great American hamburger, usually much to your disagreement. So we thought we’d go straight for the heart this time and hit you where it hurts most: chocolate candy bars. Only this time, we’re ranking them from 12 to 1 on a scale of “love them” to “I’d rather be diabetic than quit.”
Join us as we unfavorable rank the best of chocolate coated candy crunches, judged harshly by yours truly based on the amount of peanuts involved, the minimalist approach and, most importantly, who was wise enough to add the cookie crunch. And then there’s obviously the missing ingredient, one which will catapult one candy bar to the top, and you’ll never guess who.
Now, let’s see how many Seinfeld references we can squeeze in here.
Ranking Our 12 Favorite Chocolate Bars In Order From ‘Love Them’ To ‘I’d Rather Be Diabetic Than Quit’
If this weren’t restricted to candy bars, you know who would win (Junior Mints).
More ranking unhealthy things: Ranking the Best Fries in the America Fast Food Biz
Chocolate Bars
-
12. Baby Ruth
Peanuts, caramel and chocolate flavored nougat? Not bad, but too many peanuts is bad news for anyone.
-
11. Nutty Bars
Photo: via candyaddict.com
Sorry, but we had to slip this in here, the peanut butter wafer that your mother stuck in your lunch because she wanted to be cool but was a little cheap and didn't know a good candy bar. Yeah, turns out they're pretty alright.
-
10. 100 Grand
Photo: via candywarehouse.com
Crispy chocolate and caramel? Sure, why not! Just don't refrigerate or you'll chip a tooth.
-
9. Hershey's
Yeah, we're traditionalists. We could've easily went with the Cookies 'N Cream Hershey Bars, but then again we could've also taken the SATs ourselves. But we didn't. So here we are.
-
8. Crunch
Essentially Hershey's with some much needed crunch. It's the best candy bar nobody ever had around.
-
7. 3 Musketeers
Minimalists will tell you a chunk of nougat covered in chocolate is all you need.
-
6. Kit Kat
Break you off a piece? Why would I do that? These chocolatey wafers go quickly enough without you mooching off me.
-
5. Milky Way
Photo: via recipegirl.com
Three Musketeers with added caramel, the way a minimalist lives when they're feeling wild.
-
4. Butterfinger
Photo: Fox
We still don't know what's under this chocolate and, quite frankly, we enjoy the mystery. We're still alive so it must be cool.
-
3. Snickers
Essentially a Milky Way with peanuts, this is how minimalists who are feeling wild eat when they have gone long enough without the farts.
-
2. Twix
The only candy bar with the cookie crunch? Need we say more?
-
1. Take 5
Photo: Wikimedia
Wait, you forgot the quint-fecta, a candy bar that includes only the best ingredients: chocolate, minimal peanut, peanut butter, caramel and...wait for it...pretzel. Ah, yes. Pretzel. We have a winner.
