Photo: John Rensten (Getty)
Halloween is, for most people, an exciting and hilarious time of year in which thoughtful costumes are cleverly sewn, fitted and beautifully crafted. And then there’s you, the single loser on Halloween, whose costume consists either of duct tape and spray paint, which has you too high from huffing you barely know where you are, or it’s a thoughtless composition of clothes you wear every day and permanent marker on your face, which also has you high and confused.
Last year we concocted a nice slew of easy Halloween costumes for the single loser because we all know that a guy by himself on Halloween is destined to look like an asshole, no matter what. This year we’re back with some timely Halloween costumes that are edgy, offensive and, best of all, easy as hell to pull off.
It’s bad enough you’re alone on Halloween. Might as well have some fun with it, solo suckers. Here are 10 Halloween outfits that will either garner you some attention or get you kicked out of wherever you are earlier enough that you can get home to watch some classic horror movies. Also alone.
The Return of Single Losers Halloween: Easy Costumes for Solo Suckers in 2017
For some real horror: The 10 Scariest Streaming Horror Movies for a Proper Halloween 2017
Single Loser Halloween 17
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The Unemployable Drunk Politician
Photo: via disinfo.com
Steve Bannon is (definitely) maybe drunk somewhere eating tons of gluten-filled carbs. If he were to go out on Halloween, parents would probably keep their children from trick or treating.
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The Rescinded Invitation
Photo: Reddit
Everybody knows the Golden State Warriors, led by Steph Curry, are declining to visit the White House in their own form of protest against Trump's racial discrimination, amongst other things. But the best part is that Trump rescinded said invitation after it was declined. A true loser costume.
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The Adam West
Tribute. Can never go wrong with dressing as the Dark Knight. In fact, it's the safest single loser costume out there. This or Tom Petty will do just fine.
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The Antiquated Bully
Photo: via topbestpics.com
Kim Jong-un might make a hit costume, if you can find an outfit from 1989 and can style your hair like his.
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The Homicidal Male Nurse
Getting away from politics, who's your favorite sad clown?
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The Guy Who Doesn't Get How Eclipses Work
Photo: via Business Insider
Every eclipse party had one. It's a simple costume, really. It required a low IQ, no glasses and lots of squinting.
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The Inappropriate Homage
Photo: via College Humor
Confederate statues are tricky, despite whatever treaties of the past (see what we did there?). Although our president has a lot of respect for the artwork of these great, great heroes, the taking down of these statues stirred up a lot of trouble. Other single loser costumes include The Return of the Neo-Nazi and The Confederate States Strike Back.
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The Ernest
If you don't know the importance of being Ernest P. Worrell this Halloween, you better read up. Like now!
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The Regifter
Photo: via US Weekly
Ever had someone gift you something they stole from you? (Alternate costume name: The Help Me, America, I'm Living in the Darkest Hell)
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The Most Ubiquitous Outfit of the Year
When your friend called to tell you to dress as Princess Diana so you'd match and you accidentally show up as a late member of the British royal family, that's when Halloween got awkward.
