Photo: via Tesh.com
Of all the hilarious Tinder moments and hideous dating profiles, our favorite online dating concept is now: man-fishing, catfishing for men. It’s a greedy, messed-up dating world out there where everybody wants someone hotter than they deserve and nobody is happy with what they already have. So what do people do to attain these hotter-than-necessary flesh trophies? They get creative. Whether in their misleadingly sexy profile pictures, their well-thought out responses (likely stolen from ’90s rom-coms) or the complete facade that shields you from seeing the real them (the acne, the back hair) these men are bold, well-trained and dangerously cunning with their online dating seduction methods (and photoshopping of abs).
Take a look at these 10 man-fishing examples to get a good taste of the rotten tricks men play on women in the online dating world. It’s only fair, given that women have been catfishing men since the days of shadow games on cave walls. Is it right? No. Is it funny? Oh, hell yes. Does it work out in the long run? Only if there’s alcohol. But for us, it means funny photos, endless dating jokes and the hope that we, too, don’t get man (or cat) fished with a good helping of comedic karma in the sex and dating world.
Man-Fishing: Catfish For Men Who Trick Women Into Online Dating And How They Cleverly Do It
(Photos: Tinder)
(Facebook photo: MTV)
More life lessons: Cosmo Kramer’s Guide to Living Life on Your Own Terms
Manfishing
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He Definitely Doesn't Look Like His Pictures
You don't get combat pay for going on a bad date, ladies, but sometimes, if your man isn't a total jackass, you get a free meal or a couple drinks. That's the least he can do when he shows up looking nothing like his photos, right?
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Creative Angles
It's all about the angle when it comes to a good profile picture. There's nothing like convincing a trusting young lady that your curvy, 200-pound muffin top couch bod is a fit, tan 160-pound wonderland. Watch out for loose-fitting clothing, ladies.
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Seducing Dog Dad
It's the oldest trick in the book because it's the best trick in the book. Well, anything to take the focus off your face and refocus it on your warm, cuddly heart. So what if it's not your dog? You'll return him to your neighbor's backyard before morning.
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Clever Photoshopping
When in doubt, photoshop the bad shit out, or just put yourself into the best possible scenario. Saving animals from the burning animal shelter should warm the hearts and underpants of the horny, single and emotionally vulnerable.
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Imposter Name-Dropper
Of all people, why would you choose Nic Cage and his terrible hairstyles?
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Left Out Stance on Guns/Religion
He has a job (somewhere) and he likes to drink (how much, you don't know, yet). But he left out his political and religious affiliations, along with stance on gun laws, for good reason. Very good reason, ladies. You may feel his "gun" digging into your hip when he tries to pepper you with kisses. No big deal.
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Misleadingly Charming
Between the blurred images and charming banter, you didn't notice his swastika tattoo. Whoops. Just kidding, that wouldn't happen (or would it?). More than likely, he has a full back tattoo of the dance scene of Beauty and the Beast, though.
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Confident (on Paper)
You were impressed with his confidence on the dating app, but in person, he's a total puss. Well, it's easy to be a confident, manly Prince Charming from a chicken-shit distance. In person, that takes balls, beachball-sized lady nuts, actually.
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Literal Man-Fish (Err...Fisherman)
If he's not catching fish, he's probably out there bragging about all the tiger and lions and ducks he's killed. It's not going to be anything like The Old Man & the Sea, sorry.
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Or Just An Actual Monster
There's always the chance he'll just the blatant, unabashed monster you suspected he might be. You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, despite the suspicious facial hair and strict preference for blondes.
