Photo: Teri Dixon (Getty)
Spring has sprung, which means all these floods and blizzards may soon end, but it’s only the beginning of warm weather childhood games ahead on the horizon. When it comes to our favorite outdoor kid games, we recall group fun as lovable as Hide and Seek, Tag and Kick the Can to questionable activities like Red Rover and Capture the Flag.
You’re probably wondering what could possibly be the harm in a silly kids game, but we assure that after dissecting each of your favorite childhood games, there is some sick truth to be uncovered. Little did you know, but your parents, in their half-toasted, 12-pack delirium, were slowing training you for the harsh, real world. Whether that means some light Darwinism and survival of the fittest to prepping you for the academy, we promise that each game has more than a shred of disturbing truth to it. It’s a friggin’ paper shredder overflowing with dark secrets.
Come along as we uncover some sick, unsettling truths about your favorite childhood nostalgia, the larger than life unsolved mysteries of your twisted, misspent youth. Did you really think catching lightning bugs was supposed to just be fun while your parents watched, smiling, in the distance?
Uncovering the Sick Truths and Dark Secrets Behind Your Favorite Outdoor Childhood Games
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Little Kid Games
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Hide And Seek
Photo: via goodtoknow.co
A game as self-explanatory as its title, Hide and Seek is the hallmark of childhood games.
What you may not realize:
Hide and Seek was the chief play to get the kids out of the adult room, sometimes forgetting to ever let them know the game was over whilst leaving them hiding in a hollowed-out tree deep into the woods.
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Hopscotch
Hopscotch is a simple sidewalk chalk jumping game, but like a tongue twister for the feet.
What you may not realize:
Hopscotch was the parents' way of preparing their kids for boot camp long before they're old enough to enlist. I mean, a parent can hope.
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Tag
Photo: via wikiwand.com
Tag had many versions of itself (TV, Freeze, Shadow, Chain Tag) to keep it fresh for kids.
What you may not realize:
Tag was the perfect way to teach kids how to quickly spot and take advantage of the slowest person in their field of vision. This would come in handy on Black Friday when the glass doors open and only one TV is on sale at the back of the store.
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Jump Rope
Jump Rope is an age-old fashioned game that could involve one person jumping over a twirling rope, or two people twirling a rope for one or more persons to jump over.
What you may not realize:
This is Level 2 conditioning for parents who hope to send their children to enlist, hoping to receive numerous perks of joining the U.S. military.
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Red Rover
Photo: via Time
"Red Rover, Red Rover, send so-and-so on over" was the phrase hummed between two chain-linked sides of people before sending a member over to break the other team's chain.
What you may not realize:
Red Rover taught large children the joys of pinpointing smaller children, then inviting them over for a quick clothesline to the undiscovered Adam's apple. This would translate to physical, brain-smashing sports later played by grown men who struggle to keep all their teeth.
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Kick The Can
Photo: via catholicworldreport.com
Kick the Can was the game with a home base and person who is "it" that must search and discover the rest of their opponents and catch them by calling their name while jumping over the can before they can kick the can.
What you may not realize:
Kick the Can was a common exercise in belittling overweight and handicap children throughout their adolescence without ever having to whisper a single insult.
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Marco Polo
Marco Polo is the swimming pool game where one person is "it" and must find their opponents with eyes closed by calling "Marco!" while the rest call "Polo" while attempting to evade their captor.
What you may not realize: Nobody who wasn't "it" was ever in the pool, thus an elementary form of waterboarding we weren't fully aware of.
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Capture The Flag
Photo: via dowym.com
Capture the Flag was team-oriented game where each team tries to uncover the flag of the opposing side.
What you may not realize:
Capture the Flag was meant as a training exercise to teach children the importance of war, retrieving the other team's prize possession and winning at any cost (tripping, cheating, swallowing flags).
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Red Light, Green Light
Red Light, Green Light features one person as the Red Light, who faces away from the others. The Red Light calls out "green light!" allowing the others to move closer, but the Red Light can call "red light!" at any point and turn around. If anybody is caught moving after Red Light turns around, they are out.
What you may not realize:
Red Light, Green Light is where kids got the idea that it was alright to tell other kids to go play in traffic.
