Photo: Stewart Charles Cohen (Getty)
Love is a real bitch, right? I mean, you’d think with all the technology (and hilarious Tinder profiles) we have that everyone would be happy by now. But no, most of us are miserable little loveless turds. Those of us guys who do escape the single’s night at The Sizzler might find ourselves with a delightful young lady, thinking everything is going hunky-dory, and then it happens: the unexpected breakup line. But what does it mean? Nothing you think? You’d be very wrong.
For those of you who don’t know about breakup lines that sound like you’re not getting dumped (but you definitely are), there seems to be polite conduct amongst the fairer sex towards the end of a relationship that makes the last straw quick, unsuspected and painless out of the blue. It’s kind of like getting slapped in the nuts by a handwritten letter with perfect grammar. You might not think you’ve been dumped lately but think back on the ends of some of your recent dating failures and see if maybe there was some hidden meaning behind the breakup excuse.
The success of a good breakup fake-out is whether or not you even realize how good she got you. Now have a look at 10 popular breakup lines that sound like you’re not at fault, but you totally are, and what they really translate to.
10 Breakup Lines That Sound Like You’re Not Getting Dumped (But Definitely Are) and What They Really Mean
See more truth here: The Crappiest Twist Endings Ever in Movies
Breakup Lines
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""I’m super busy the next few weeks."
Photo: via bonvitastyle.com
Translation: I have so many dates I can barely keep track. Your name is Ted, right? Mark? Oh.
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"You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. Keep doing what you’re doing."
Photo: via bramptonguardian.com
Translation: You did something, and I’m thinking about it now, very specifically, and it’s only reinforcing this breakup
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"I’m between jobs right now."
Photo: via brazenwoman.com
Translation: Between "jobs" alright!
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"Right now, I really just want to travel and see where life takes me."
Photo: via flexiblekitty.com
Translation: I saw an Instagram model who looks like me and giving it a shot. Might get a VD on some rich dude's boat.
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" It’s not you, it’s me."
Photo: via funnyordie.com
Translation: "If it's anyone, it's you."
Check out: "The Greatest Quotes from Your Favorite Seinfeld Characters"
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"I just don’t feel that vibe."
Translation: You were lousy and inattentive in bed and always talk about yourself.
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"You met me at a crazy time, but I swear my life isn’t always so crazy."
Photo: via lifenlesson.com
Translation: I’m always this crazy but was hoping you’d fix that, and you haven't and now I’m inpatient. Why won't you fix me?!
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"I’m questioning a lot of my beliefs right now."
Photo: via match.com
Translation: Trump fucked with my birth control and now I’m completely confused about life.
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"I usually don’t date guys your age."
Photo: Reddit
Translation: Your wiener is weird, and you cry more than I do, mostly at things that aren't sad.
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"There’s so many weddings coming up that I barely have time for myself."
Photo: via obsessionphrase.com
Translation: I want to be married. Why haven’t you asked yet?
