Photo: Gerry Goodstein/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank (Getty).
Being a police officer is no easy job. If you’re a good one, then you’ve got to deal with the stigma of all the bad ones. Plus, if you have to show up to see someone, it’s usually not for a positive reason. But just because your job is to uphold the law doesn’t mean there aren’t unusual circumstances where you simply have to let something slide. You know they were guilty, but, in that instance, the moment is bigger than either of you and you know that the only reasonable thing to do is let them go. Police officers from all over the world have shared their stories across various platforms, but we found 12 of the most fascinating (and hilarious) ones just for you. Here are the bizarre tales of 12 different officers of the law that let those little crimes slide.
What A Dope
I was working the metal detector at our court. I tell people to remove anything METAL from their pockets and place it on the table before walking through. This one guy pulls out his (plastic) bag of weed and lays it out in front of me. I did a triple take to make sure it was what I thought it was. I told him that marijuana is not metallic and that he should keep that in his pocket next time. Since he already has some legal issue pending in court, I decided not to pile anything else on him. I confiscated the bag and signed it into evidence to be destroyed. No charges. I see the guy around all the time now.
The Customer’s Always A F–king Idiot
I got a phone call from a police officer using my buddy’s phone. Apparently my buddy (a jackass) got so drunk he fell out of his car in the drive-thru line at Taco Cabana. The cop told me I had fifteen minutes to get there and pick up my friend. I made it in time and the officer helped me throw my friend in the bed of my truck. He told me to take my friend home and when he woke up, tell him he was a fucking idiot.
The police officer was a homicide detective in the major city in which we lived, and he said he had real crimes to solve and to stop wasting his time.
Designated Driver’s Permit
When I was in high school, the rugby team found out I had learned how to drive, but not yet received my license. They all knew I did not drink, so one of them had the genius idea of inviting me to parties as the designated driver. We’d lost a popular kid to a drunken accident a few months earlier, so it was actually a good idea.
It was a great arrangement, lots of parties, lots of girls and all I had to do was get them home in one piece afterwards. It went great for a few weeks, until one night.
The police had heard there was a big party on a farm outside of town and decided to set up a roadblock. So I come driving up to the flashing lights, car filled with 5 big drunk guys, including one passed out with his head out the window, and little scrawny me, barely able to look over the steering wheel. And the inside of the car smells like a brewery.
The officer takes one look at the car, asks me to step out. ‘Have you been drinking.’? ‘Uh. No officer. I don’t drink.’ Has me take a breathalyzer. Zero. Looks at me. “Can I see your drivers license?” “Uh. Sorry Officer. I don’t have one yet. I’m getting it next week.” And I point back towards the car. “But they have theirs”
He looked at me. Flipped his little book closed and said “Just take them home. Next time I see you, you’d better have your license.” Just to clarify, this was in South Africa and not in the US.
Tampon Champion
My ex fiancé was a cop for a redneck town where the people didn’t have much money. He was called to the grocery store where a little girl of about 9 was being detained in the manager’s office for stealing a box of tampons. He said she had tears and snot everywhere and her pants had obvious bloodstains all over the front. My ex then bought the box she was trying to steal along with 3 more boxes, some food, and milk. He then drove her home to a trailer that was falling apart. It wasn’t so much the crime that was ridiculous but more the manager’s reaction. I guess when my ex came in the manager was just screaming at this terrified 9-year-old.
Key Decision
I’m a prosecutor. I came across one such domestic violence case during intake.
The facts: Husband and wife are arguing. The husband grabs the wife’s keys and throws them in the yard. The husband is charged by the beat cop with Criminal Tampering and, technically, the husband was guilty under the law.
I’ve never written a faster motion to dismiss.
Moroncyle
I had a motorcycle accelerate past me right as I was about to get off the interstate. He downshifted and took off clearly being an arrogant smartass. I merged back on and chased him even though I had no realistic chance of catching him. He continued to flee even after I initiated lights and sirens, and attempted to get off at the next exit to lose me. I lost sight of him as he hit the ramp because it went down to the road at an angle. As I got to the exit I had to slam on my brakes as he was lying in the middle of the road. He had lost it trying to make the turn onto the surface street. He got up as I got out of the car and had his helmet in his hand. I drew my weapon and ordered him to the ground, but he was too busy slamming his helmet on the pavement repeatedly yelling, “Stupid, stupid, stupid…”
I did take him to jail, but did not charge him for felony evading arrest. I figured his totaled bike and sky-high insurance premiums would probably prevent any future motorcycle related shenanigans. Plus, he was kind enough to let me catch him in the first place.
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Backseat Sleepers
I frequently (or did when I was in uniform) let Impaired Care or Control slide. If I found someone sleeping in the back seat of their parked car after drinking, it demonstrated to me a decision to NOT drink and drive. I’d often take keys, or drive someone home, but arresting them just seemed wrong.
Horsey Ride Of Their Lives
When I was about 17, some friends and I got involved on a scavenger hunt. It was a tie. So the tiebreaker was: “Bring back to coolest thing you can find.”
We didn’t get anything special, but the other group? They went to a dollar store type place that had a coin-operated horse in front of it. It was about 1 AM, no other cars in the lot besides an ’86 Nova driven by my friend. They start to dismantle this horse, eventually getting it apart, put it in the back of the Nova with the head sticking out the window, and drive off.
They get about 15 feet before the two cops that were watching them the entire time pull up. They ended up having to put this horse back together, and then made everyone ride it to make sure it still worked. My good friend was scared and crying, riding a mechanical horse. After I heard this story, I knew the cops probably thought it was the funniest thing they had seen in a long time.
Sounds Fishy To Me
So this lady had a warrant for an unpaid ticket and missed her court date. I bring her in, and it turns out that her address is wrong and she never got the court summons. The original ticket was for possession of a black bass under 14 inches, and since she had missed the court summons, it was now on her record. So if she goes to apply for a job and they inevitably ask her “Do you have any criminal history?” she’s obligated to say “yes.” Now imagine if the employer asks why: “…I caught a small fish…”
Red Light Red Flag
My good friend is a police officer in a really bad section of North Philly and he and his partner once got called to a house by a man because the prostitute he hired bit him and then wouldn’t leave. They ended up driving her home, but didn’t arrest either of them.
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Lunatic With A Heart Of Gold
We had this one guy in town that was downright nuts. He was a nice enough guy, usually had his heart in the right place, but absolutely crazy. Used to speed through town at all hours of the night, driving like a lunatic. I know he got into more than a few fights, too. I looked the other way more times than I can count. You might say it was stupid, but most of the people he’d get into it with were way worse than him. Truth be told, while he was a creepy bastard, he was actually a pretty good guy. After a while, I guess I even considered the guy a friend.
Quick Trip
A long time ago, in a life far removed from my own, I had a nasty heroin addiction. I cleaned up my life and had been clean for three years. My friend had been learning to become a tattoo artist and asked me if I wanted one. To repay his kindness, I picked up a thirty pack and some tequila. After about three hours of him digging in with the gun and most of the beers and booze gone, we came up with THE PLAN. We were going to go to the city and score some dope. It didn’t take long and we accomplished just that. We found a nice quite, dimly lot parking lot to pull in to get high. We break out the gear and started. He got his ready faster and got it done, I was out of practice and fumbled around for a bit. Just then someone knocked on the window. It’s the cops. We roll down the window and they ask if we knew where we were. Before we can say anything the cop said, “This is the fucking police station parking lot, are you a fucking idiot?” They took the dope and sent us on our way. I now have 13 years clean thanks to that cop.
