Photo: Grady Reese (Getty)
These days, everybody knows a basic bitch and what a basic bitch is. As articulated by Urban Dictionary, she is “someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech and likes.”
The subjective term originated in hip hop culture in the span of 2011 to 2014 and was further perpetuated in rap music and videos since its inception. Now it’s become a conventional term that often resurfaces around fall, a basic bitch’s favorite season, due to the re-introduction of sweaters, Ugg boots and Pumpkin Spice.
What we’ve yet to establish, however, is the male equivalent to the basic bitch. A male archetype, who, like the basic bitch, upholds the status quo and stereotype of their gender without even realizing it.
Since that’s the case, I’ve decided to take on this responsibility. So now that you know important information alcoholic beverages and their personality types, as well as all the different types of hangovers you’ve had, here is the comprehensive list of qualities and traits that articulate the unsurprising, run-of-the-mill dude known only as the Basic Bro.
1. Has his favorite sports team decal on his truck
Because yes, he most definitely drives a truck, believing himself to be the most formidable menace on the road.
2. Bets Pro-line
His self-perceived encyclopedic knowledge of sports influences him to bet on almost every sport that’s ever broadcasted yet only wins occasionally.
3. Wears trackpants almost everywhere
Because his favorite store is Under Armour or a retailer who carries Under Armour. If it’s summer, sub trackpants for basketball shorts.
Photo: Don Bayley (Getty)
4. LOVES country music, but only since it’s become massively popular
Country music’s been around since the 1920s. However, the basic bro has only recently become a country fan, around the same time society was collectively introduced to bro-country, an aptly named subgenre of country influenced by hip hop, rock and electronic music. Examples include: Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, Dierks Bentley.
5. Likes drinking beer in chain restaurants
To be fair though, they have tons of TVs that can be viewed from all angles and the drink specials aren’t half bad.
6. Wears beer brand t-shirts in public
He buys a lot of beer. And it just so happens that, with this beer, he gets the gift of a slightly undersized t-shirt with his favorite beer brand emblazoned on the front. It’s like cereal box toys for adults.
Photo: Jason Merritt (Getty)
7. Loves Mark Wahlberg movies
He’s also a big fan of The Hangover, Scarface and digs most of the Fast and the Furious franchise.
Photo: Rob Poetsch/Flickr
8. Favorite news source is ESPN
Instead of watching the morning news before he’s off to work, the basic bro instead watches sports highlights programs, because this form of journalism is more important, obviously.
9. “Buffalo wing” is his “Pumpkin spice”
The basic bitch might go nuts for pumpkin spice (courtesy of Starbucks and their overrated lattes), but the basic bro is isn’t, and is instead drawn to the flavors of a buffalo chicken wing.
Photo: Call of Duty
10. Favorite video game is Call of Duty
Followed closely by the latest iteration of Madden.
11. He’s very good at beer pong
Because he never went pro, he now showcases his athletic prowess on the pong table.
Photo: Matthew O’Shea (Getty)
12. Takes pride in his affinity to hot sauce
To the basic bro, the spicier the menu item, the better. Will call a dude a “pussy” if he doesn’t like spice.
13. Says “bruh”
Or otherwise refers to his buddies as “bros.”
14. Uses phrases like “Gains” and “Bulking season”
Because he might not be a bodybuilder, but he certainly doesn’t see it that way.
15. Believes cargo shorts are dressy attire
And will almost always pair it with a polo.
Photo: btrenkel (Getty)
16. The casino is his second home
If he’s not pounding brews at a Chili’s, he’s betting on roulette or playing Poker.
17. Is white
Because of course he is.
