Photo: Getty
When 19-year-old Mackenzie Pearson penned the explanatory essay “Why Girls Love The Dad Bod” in March 2015, I’m fairly certain she wasn’t expecting the response she received.
With 588,000 shares on Odyssey and references in reputable publications and websites including GQ, The Cut, Slate, and so on, nobody could have possibly foreseen the impact a modest male physique could have on the internet and its patrons.
Photo: via Splash
Since that essay, dad bod has become a phenomenon. A phenomenon Pearson originally described as “a nice balance between a beer gut and working out.” As with most things that speak to one particular gender, there has been heated discussions on the topic. Discussions claiming dad bod is sexist for celebrating men for being fat and lazy. But I’m not going to go there. Conflict is bullsh*t.
Since we’re approaching the fall season, it seems like a fitting time to reintroduce the notion of dad bod, since beach bodies have understandably become less important and carbs are back on the table again.
1. We Make The Best Cuddlers
Not too hard, not too soft. We’re just right. Cuddling with us is the perfect medium, like a semi-firm mattress with Egyptian cotton bedding.
Photo: Getty
2. We Will Happily Share A Midnight Pizza
You hungry? Want some yogurt? F*ck that, it’s the weekend. Let’s indulge! A dude with dad bod will happily cover the expense of pizza, even opting for delivery so you don’t have to get out of your PJs. Salad, on the other hand? You’re alone on that one. There’s lettuce in the fridge.
3. We’re Fun
We drink beer! We eat burgers (with buns)! By being inherently fun, we help everybody else do the same. We will not be the guy standing by the couscous salad silently judging others chowing down on chips in the neon green party bowl.
You want to party, too? Fantastic! We’ll call a cab.
4. We Actually Order Off The Menu
Men with dad bod order off the menu. Incredible! A man can actually order off a restaurant’s expansive menu without the holier than thou attitude that comes with requesting no cheese, dressing on the side, or substituting broccoli instead of potatoes because they’re too starchy.
5. We Make Our Partners Feel More Confident
We aren’t scrawny, nor are we ripped. So when we walk down the beach hand-in-hand with our partners, she feels more confident in herself knowing she’s not walking next to an Adonis whose abs double as a cheese grater, or a dude whose body fat percentage is the envy of women everywhere.
6. We’re Not Intimidating
We’re easier to approach! We haven’t oiled our bodies down or are inconspicuously checking ourselves out in your sunglasses’ reflection. Whether you need directions, a recommendation, or even want to ask us out, we’re a hell of a lot more approachable than a dude who’s prettier than she is.
7. Good Grub
We haven’t prepped our week’s meals with boiled chicken, broccoli, and a handful of brown rice. So when “Wing Wednesday” comes around, we’ll be there. (Hey, it’s a bargain.) Cheat meals don’t exist in our world. All meals are cheat meals.
Photo: Universal Pictures
8. We Don’t Take Indulgent Selfies
We use our phone’s cameras to take pictures of things that are actually worthy of photos, not mirror selfies, photos of your protein powder purchase, or staged photo on the beach with your two other jacked buddies that’ll surely be your future Tinder profile pic.
9. No Wasteful Leftovers
No food will ever go to waste. If there are any leftovers in the fridge or on your plate, we essentially act as human garbage disposals and will take care of that stuff right away.
Photo: via Time to Break
10. We Won’t Judge You
You had a bad day at work and grabbed a pound cake on the way home? Go for it. Destroy that f*cker. We won’t judge. We can’t judge. There’s a good chance we did the same thing last week.
11. Fast Food Is An Option
Fast food is delicious and convenient. Those words are like music to our ears. It might not be good for us, but fast food is an American right! So are smoothie bars, I guess, but I’m not going to spend $10 on a glorified beverage.
