Photo: Florin1605 (Getty)
There are tons of problems in this country, but I think it is about time a very serious issue creeps higher up on the priority list and gets a solution as soon as possible. The issue? Bags of chips always being half empty. And this isn’t one of those “let’s be optimistic and say it’s half full,” no, my bags of chips barely have any chips in them, and that is a problem when I’m trying to participate in my favorite activity: being disgusting and overeating.
It’s not even the fact that I’m a gross, greedy human that wants more and more of everything, it’s that I’m paying a certain amount of money for chips, but what I’m really paying for is a bag of air. Air is free, I shouldn’t pay for it. I can walk out right now and inhale all the contaminated air I want. There’s no price on that. Sure, my insides are paying for it, but I’m not being ripped off. The only people ripping me off are the devil worshipers that work at all those chip companies, who put a few chips in every bag, all while laughing maniacally and swimming in a pool of coins.
So why do they ruin our day and add more air inside our chip bags than chips? Well, according to Mental Floss, this is known as “slack fill.” The monsters behind this add more air than chips to each bag in order to “protect their delicate products from the damage of rough handling during the shipping process.” During shipping, chips go through a lot, so all that air acts as a cushion so that the chips don’t turn into crumbs. Oh, so the chip-making folks have my best interest in mind when I’m overcharged for a bag of chips that looks like it’s has already fed a family of four? Got it.
As I continued to rage-research, I also learned that all that air in your greasy bag of chips is actually nitrogen. Since regular old oxygen can cause your chips to spoil and the oil to go rancid, bags are instead filled with nitrogen gas to help the three chips inside stay fresh. And there was actually a food science study conducted in 1994 in order to confirm that. Science!
So I’m supposed to feel better that the handful of chips inside my bag are fresh and not gross at all? I get it now. Now when I’m shame eating in my tub I can remember that fact and thank the evil horned creatures at the chip factory who did their part to deliver me a tiny amount of fresh chips. In reality, it’s hard not to get emotional when you open up a new bag of chips, look inside and are confronted by an empty void — a cold and lonely black hole of nothingness. And I’m not the only one who feels this way, as there are tons of men and women on YouTube voicing their opinions on this injustice, too.
The horror doesn’t stop at bags of chips either, as our cereal boxes are being destroyed as well. So I assume those cereal makers didn’t want my Rice Krispies to turn into dust so they added gallons of nitrogen?
This needs to stop, folks. A change needs to be made. We should be allow to inhale the proper amount of chips into our facehole.
#MakeChipBagsFullAgain
