Marquette Student Arrested For Masturbating In Library While Spying On Female Students

May 13, 2016

I’m telling you, man. Nobody reads books anymore.

According to COED, a Marquette student was taken out of the university’s library in handcuffs earlier this week after he allegedly jerked off between some bookcases while staring down several female students.

A GUY GOT ARRESTED FOR MASTURBATING IN THE LIBRARY HAPPY FINALS WEEK MARQUETTE pic.twitter.com/a9foC6VFkF

— Marie Crowe (@MarieCrowe10) May 12, 2016

A Barstool Sports reader claimed that this wasn’t the first time the unnamed student had been arrested for punching his clown in public, and if that is indeed the case, one would think — or at least hope — that he’ll be known as a former student from here out.

It’s unknown how many female students witnessed the man yanking his crank inside Raynor Memorial Libraries or if any of them were actually flattered that he was staring at them while he gave his hand the business. Let’s investigate:

I guess not.

Look how much fun they’re having on the bus these days: Iowa Man Arrested After Masturbating On Megabus For Three Hours

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.