If the police officers in Wisconsin are still handing out free baseball cards like they did when I lived there, odds are the River Falls police officers didn’t give any to this guy.
According to the River Falls Journal, a 24-year-old Bloomer man was arrested by River Falls police after they spotted him driving the wrong way on a Wisconsin highway early last Sunday morning.
Police said the unnamed man almost drove into a ditch before coming to a stop on the median. When an officer approached the vehicle and asked the man if he was driving the wrong way on Highway 35, he reportedly responded with, “Yeah, that was probably me.”
The officer had the man perform a field sobriety test because he “reeked of alcohol,” but the man stopped at some point during the test and said, “This isn’t my first rodeo…. I’m done.”
The man was right in the sense that he was indeed done driving that morning, but he was far from done being an asshole. After police struggled to put him in cuffs and later into the police car, that man allegedly shit himself while being transported to the St. Croix County Jail.
Police said the man was booked on his second drunk-driving offense. Meanwhile, the squad car had to be professionally cleaned for “spit, snot, mucus stains and a very bad fecal odor.”
Maybe it’s just us, but that sounds like the same kind of cleaning Ozzy Osbourne gets for his Camaro once or twice a month.
Naturally, “Florida Man” beat this guy to the punch: Florida Man Speeding Home To Use Bathroom Poops In Squad Car Instead
