13 Things That Immediately Suck The Coolness Out Of You

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While there are tons of things that might piss you off, there are some things that occur to do one thing and one thing only: to suck every ounce of coolness you thought you had. These things have the power to make you wish that you would disappear in a puff of smoke, the power to make you cringe when you think of them later. Take a look at things that immediately suck the coolness out of you.

Butchering the Lyrics While Singing Out Loud

You’re on top of the world singing Pitbull’s “Time of Our Lives” while on a road trip with your buddies. And then the unthinkable happens: you butcher the lyrics. Ugh, you fool. Now you have to follow it up with a “Uh…wait, that’s the lyric? What did I say?” And follow that with an awkward chuckle.

Waving to the Wrong Person

You were so excited to see what you thought was your friend in public that you didn’t even bother to confirm if it was actually them. Now you’re just that person waving at a stranger, hoping for the world to open up and swallow you whole so that the embarrassment can one day wear off.

Umbrella Flipping Inside Out

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There’s nothing like Mother Nature giving you the middle finger by completely taking control of your umbrella and doing as she pleases. As you’re struggling with your umbrella, think of everyone that is watching some sad sack fighting a losing battle with the umbrella that has decided to betray them.

Saying a Joke in a Group and Not Being Heard

You played it out in your head beforehand; this was going to be the joke that brought down the whole house. And then no one heard it. Now you’re just left in your lonely bubble as “The Sound of Silence” plays on a loop.

Getting Your Jacket/Pants Caught on the Door

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There really isn’t an escape from this one. You were all confident and feeling good, as you headed toward the exit only to have that demon door reel you in. And all that is left is you hanging off the door, as you wish lightning would strike you down.

Going the Wrong Way and Taking Your Phone Out to Avoid Embarrassment

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That phone of ours sure is a lifesaver. It always has our back, especially when we are going the wrong way on the street, and instead of just turning around we pretend we are looking up something on our phone as we slowly turn around and head in the right direction. And of course, we leave any ounce of coolness we had behind.

Stumbling in the Street

A failed umbrella or heading the wrong way is one thing. But actually taking a tumble on the street is a whole other story. When you’re broken on the floor, you may be unaware of the few people around you who are stuck between the “should I help” phase, and the “that guy is going to help so I don’t need to” phase. And it’s all your fault, you clumsy bastard.

Swiping Your Credit Card the Wrong Way

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You were so busy thinking about that new protein shake you’re gonna try when you get home that you swiped your credit card the wrong way. Now the cashier is just waiting on you, as you smile and try to figure out what the hold up is. You’re the hold up. You’re the one that looks like someone who has never paid with a card before. Might as well pour your change on the conveyor belt and count your pennies.

Failing to Properly Open Those Push/Pull Doors

Leaning into a door that says “pull” or pulling a door that says “push” is a mistake that has occurred way too often to all of us. It is especially bad when there is someone right behind you, also eager to exit, and you just let down everyone because you’re incapable of using a door properly.

Spilling Food/a Drink on Yourself

Since chances are you aren’t a toddler or reside in a senior citizen home, there really isn’t a reason you should be spilling food or drinks on yourself. But since life is cruel and likes to poke fun at us, we of course will spill stuff at the most inconvenient time, like a date. Now your date knows that you need a bib to eat like those eager dads at buffets.

Pronouncing a Menu Item Wrong

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It’s hard to come across as suave and cultured when you’re mispronouncing items on a menu. Now you look like a bumbling idiot when you order the “geo-duck,” and the waiter responds with “OK, the gooey-duck.” Now you can chuckle and drink your water and hope the moment passes quickly.

Saying “Cool Beans”

Everything was going fine until you decided to speak like a 12-year-old girl and say “cool beans.” And everyone heard you. Now you’re going to be known as the guy who said “cool beans” in public. That is the legacy you leave behind.