Oh, the humanity!
According to BroBible, some poor bastard who goes by the name MIDGET_ANAL_FISTING on Reddit recently shared a story about the time he attempted a bike stunt in front of his friends but wound up breaking his penis instead.
The entire story is a must read, but here’s the part that should keep you from getting an erection for at least the next 24 hours:
“My mates managed to move out of the way last second, and my bike hit the steps just as I was in this awkward diagonal position trying to jump out of the way, which could honestly not have been worse. I fell forward onto the steps, the handle pressing against my abdomen, and heard a fair share of ‘what the fuck dude’ before it hit me.
I felt a searing pain explode all the way up my genitals. It ran up my entire body and all color left my face. I jumped up and sprinted into the house and to the bathroom, for some reason deciding to yell ‘I THINK I CUT MY FUCKING COCK OFF’, much to the amusement of the others. This was obviously met with laughter that I could hear from the bathroom as I furiously tore my pants off which were drenched in blood. It was all a big fucking mess, blood coming from everywhere, but I had no idea if the johnson was still intact. I started yelling bloody murder, and his father ended up driving me to the hospital. That was the most bloody awkward and painful car ride of my life, I shit you not.
End of the day, I had cuts and bruises all over my bishop, and my urethra decided to collapse on itself. I’m catheterized for a month or so, meaning I’m basically peeing through a tube up my dickhole. Apparently there could be permanent damage, but its too early to tell if my tallywhacker will ever be the same again.”
And that’s why I ride the bus.
Help! My balls got stuck in my bike: This ‘Nuts Stuck In A Bike’ Prank Is Painfully Hilarious (NSFW Language)
