Breaking up with someone is bad enough, but hopefully you’ll never randomly run into them again, because that social encounter is one that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. If you both know it’s going to happen it’s not as bad, but when it happens unexpectedly it can get bad very quickly. Here are ten things that happen when you randomly run into an ex.
1. You Try To Play It Cool
Even though you noticed them as soon as they pulled into the parking lot and followed them out of your peripheral vision as they walked through the door and onto a stool at the end of the bar, you still pretend you didn’t see them so you don’t look too desperate and excited. For some reason it has to be so casual. It’s whatever. You don’t even care, right?
2. You Play It WAY Too Cool
You start trying to play it way too cool and do something really dumb like putting on your sunglasses and buying a round of drinks for the table behind you, even though the table is a family of six that consists of mostly children. They appreciate your offer, but the toddlers sadly have to pass on your Red Bull and Vodka shots.
3. You Notice Each Other And Start Talking In A High-Pitched Voice
Eventually you guys acknowledge each other and you do that, “Heyyyyyy! How are ya?” move that couldn’t be more artificial. You do this uncomfortable hug and, for the first few sentences, everything you say is like 9 octaves higher than your regular speaking voice. You sound like a drunken cartoon character.
4. You Try To Determine If They’re Still Single
You start trying to subtlety look at their hand for any type of ring or whenever they get a text, you glance over to see if it’s a romantic text or just a friend. Even if you think you’re being super coy and subtle about it, you’d might as well just scream, “SO YOU SEEING ANYBODY OR ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH ME?” into their face.
5. Even If You’re In A Relationship, You Still Kind Of Hope That They’re Single
It doesn’t matter if you broke up years ago and you have no interest in them whatsoever, deep down you still kind of hope they’re single, because if they went on to date someone super hot and amazing, you’re going to know that you were the low point. If they’re not single, at least they can be dating someone that’s way less attractive than you. Is that petty? Absolutely. Is it also true? Absolutely.
6. You Act Way Too Excited About Any News They Have
In trying to remain chill, you constantly find yourself being way too enthusiastic and excited about any news they tell you. “Did I mention my cat got neutered?” OH WOW! THAT’S SO TREMENDOUS! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! WHAT A DAY! GLORY! I’M CRYING TEARS OF JOY!
7. You Make Your Life Sound Way Better Than It Actually Is
Usually it’s something way over the top and ridiculous like this:
oh hey ex-gf yaeh things are goin pretty well for me for example my mouth is BLOODY bcause i eat DIAMONDS for cereal i eat FUCKING DIAMONDS
— Conor Tripler (@ConorTripler) July 27, 2012
8. You Pretend Like You Don’t Know Everything They’re Saying Because You Still Check Their Facebook From Time To Time
You have to maintain a little bit of chill and ask questions about their life that you clearly already know the answer to because you’re still Facebook friends with them and, from time to time, if you’ve had a few drinks, you’ll get on their page and scroll through their info just to see what’s up. Not in a creepy way. Well, maybe in a little bit of a creepy way.
9. You Make Plans To Get Together Soon
This will never, ever happen, but you both feel obligated to say, “We should totally get together soon.” Obviously you’re not going to just go to Long John Silver’s and talk about the latest episodes of “Mike & Molly” (RIP Mike & Molly) on a weeknight, so the only chance you’ll hang out is if you both make a horrible mistake and hook up and then instantly regret it as you rehash the reasons you broke up all over again.
10. You Briefly Romanticize The Relationship And Can’t Seem To Remember Why You Broke Up
For just a second you look at that person and wonder why things came to an end. You had a lot of good times, right? There was certainly a lot of love there. You pick up your phone and go to text her and then you notice the last six texts you got from her when you broke up was how she hopes you die and how your mom is a fat cow. Oh, wait, now it’s starting to come back to you as to why you broke up. Nevermind.
This is another way to act: When You See Your Ex In The Crowd
