You never realize how much you stare at your phone until that terrible, awful day when you drop it and put a giant crack in the middle of that thing. It’s awful. It’s one of the worst things you could wish on another person. If you’ve never had it happen to you before, don’t worry because death comes for us all at some point. Here are ten things that happen when you crack the screen of your phone.
You Live in Constant Fear
Before your screen ever cracks, you’re constantly worried about it. You put it in an Otter Box full of bubble wrap and dipped in shipping peanuts. You can’t let anything happen to it. But guess what? As much as you tried to keep it safe, you make one little mistake, your phone falls the wrong way, and now your screen is shattered. You’re not a cracked-screen person. This is the worst thing that could have possibly happened.
You Can’t Type Correctly
You try to text or do a web search, but it’s always a jumbled up mess. Since the crack is right over the T key you have to fully rely on autocorrect. Plus your name is Matthew or Everett or Timothy, so you can’t even sign your name. It’s like you’re constantly looking through a kaleidoscope.
You Become Ashamed of Your Phone
You try to ask out girls, but they take one look at your phone and know your life is in shambles. What upper management member would ever even consider giving a promotion to someone that can’t even keep a screen intact, let alone a branch of the company? You keep it hidden like it’s your digital Man in the Iron Mask. You can’t let this secret get out.
Your Friends and Even Strangers Start to Mock You
Eventually people start to notice. They say things like, “How’d you crack your phone?” or “We’re going to beat you with broomsticks unless you get that awful cracked phone out of here!” It starts to wear on you emotionally, and also physically, because of the broomsticks.
You Finally Decide You’ve Had Enough and Flee Into The Woods
This is no way to live. You abandon every social norm and run into the woods as fast as you can. Even being constantly chased by the Blair Witch couldn’t be as bad as this constant ridicule. You just can’t keep feeling like you’re living in a Staind song.
You Just Keep Running
You never look back. Branches whip your face and cut your cheeks, but that pain is nothing compared to those who mocked you over your cracked screen. You have to escape. Not since Arnold Schwarzenegger in “The Running Man” has someone been more committed to fleeing for their life.
The Mocking Words of Your Peers Haunt You Day and Night
Sometimes, late at night, you’ll run your finger over that cold, cracked screen just to feel it lightly scratch your skin. With every delicate indention it makes, you’re reminded of their haunting words. Your parents ridiculed you, your wife left you, and your children wouldn’t even look you in the eyes. This is truly the lowest point of human existence.
Then You Realize There Are Stores That Offer iPhone Screen Repairs
Oh, wait, why didn’t you look on Yelp? For like $80 this kind gentleman in a backwards Yankees cap said he could repair your screen. Is this a mirage in the desert of your life, or has joy crept its way back into your heart?
You Get It Replaced And Everything is Right in the World Again
Success! Your phone is repaired and so is your emotional state! Flowers smell better than they’ve ever smelled. The sunlight feels a little warmer on your skin. It’s like the breath of God has blown down through your hair and onto your screen, gently swiping from one app to the next. What a glorious day!
Then You Find Out It’s a Cheap Garbage Screen and Everything Goes to Hell Again
Turns out that too-good-to-be-true deal was actually too good to be true. The screen wasn’t officially licensed. As a matter of fact, it seems to be made out of Reynolds plastic wrap. Now you’re out $80 and your screen is worse than ever. Townspeople are gathering torches. You’ll never be able to show your face around here again. What’s the point anyway? Maybe it’s not the phone that’s cracked; maybe it’s your heart. Stupid lack of Apple Care.
