Group texts are convenient for making plans or catching up with a few friends that don’t often get to see each other, but when they go wrong, they go terribly wrong. Your life begins to crumble all around you, all because of this single thread. It’s like the Hotel California because at first it was enticing but now you realize you can never leave. Here are the ten worst things that happen when you’re in a group text.
1. At first it’s not that bad at all.
You get rapid-fire jokes from your good friends and it feels like you’re all in the same room. What could possibly go wrong in such a fun setting? Answer: so much.
2. You wake up first thing in the morning and you have 614 new messages.
Did someone die? Is it the apocalypse? Nope! It’s just four of your friends that live in a different time zone chatting it up at all hours of the night.
3. When you get to work you can’t keep your phone out because it’s beeping every 7-14 seconds.
Everyone else is apparently watching “From Dust Till Dawn” together and live-texting it. You don’t even like that movie, but now you’ve got running commentary for the next two hours.
4. What if you just put it on silent?
Nope. Now instead of beeping, you’ve got a vibration so violent it shakes the core of your being. Your battery used to last until you got home. Now it’s on 7% by lunchtime. This is slowly ruining your life.
5. At some points, it’s not even a group conversation.
There are just two of your friends mindlessly chatting with one another. Why do they feel the need to make all of us endure it? Just text with each other somewhere else. Or make an actual phone call.
6. The worst may be when a few members of the group start making plans to hang out.
However, the other people who live in a different city obviously can’t attend, so they’re just stuck there reading off a seemingly never-ending list of possible restaurants and times for others to hang out. It’s like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles.
7. You start missing important texts.
Because every time your phone dings you just assume it’s another message from the group text. Your mom thinks you hate her and your girlfriend just assumes you’re cheating. You’re slowly vanishing like one of Marty McFly’s siblings.
8. You have to switch to unlimited data because the texts just don’t stop.
Do your friends ever sleep? The kids on “A Nightmare on Elm Street” had a better sleep pattern than your group. What are they doing with their lives?
9. You can’t leave the group chat because then everyone will think you hate them.
So now you have to choose between your phone being a constant source of frustration, including sorrow for the rest of your life, or cutting off some of your closest friends.
10. You do the only sensible thing you could possibly do in this scenario: grab your phone and toss it into the sun.
Only then will you truly be free from this devilish cage of torment. This is your ring. You are Frodo. Godspeed, young hobbit.
