Who are the lucky college kids who got to sign up to be lab rats for this one?
According to TIME, psychology researchers at the University of Missouri recently studied 374 undergraduate drinkers at a “large Midwestern university” and came to the conclusion that there are four types of drunks.
40 percent of the drunks were classified as “Ernest Hemingways” because they “do not exhibit any major changes in personality when they transition from sober to drunk.”
Next up? You guessed it: The “Mary Poppins” drunks, who were named after the lovable Disney character because they are “already outgoing types who somehow get sweeter and happier with alcohol.” Hey, just a spoonful of sugar, baby.
The next group of drunks were classified as “Nutty Professors” because they are “natural introverts who shed their inhibitions with special vigor when they drink, showing a flashier and more social side.”
The fourth and final group of drunks are the ones we seem to write about on a regular basis here at Mandatory, and those are the “Mr. Hydes.” These drunks are “particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol.”
Personally, I think the researchers missed a golden opportunity when they failed to label the final group as “Tara Reids.”
These drunks would be classified as Nutty Professors, but only because they like to eat: Naked Ohio Couple Arrested for Drunk Driving While Eating Pizza and Drinking Beer
